Just Ask

 I'd like to sit right up there.

Where?

There, on that ledge up there, where the trees are shady and the flowers are blowing in the breeze. 

Ah. Yes, that's a nice ledge. 

I don't see a way up.

Hmm. No. You don't. 

.....

What?

It isn't very far... well it doesn't look far. Certainly not as far as that last bit. So where is the trail?

Oh. You can't get there from here.

You're kidding. Right?

No. But there is a bench right over there under that overhang you can rest on.

I see it. It's kind of hard and the top isn't smooth.

No. That's true. I suppose I should have someone fix that. 

.....

Is something wrong?

Yes! 

How can I help you?

{Harump} I'll just sit here on this patch of scrub and take a break. Please, join me.

Thank you. I will. 

At least the sky is beautiful.

As long as you look up, you'll be fine. 

Doesn't feel that way. That ledge up there... it's so pretty. Have you been there?

Of course. There is the loveliest pond there. You can stretch out on the grass and watch the fish jump. Might see a deer or two. Oh and those flowers ... they smell like heaven.

.....

I'm sorry. 

I'll just stay here for awhile. Maybe I'll figure it out. 

You might. 

......

Of course, you could just ask me to take you there.

.....

Don't look surprised. That's all you ever have to do. Just ask.

Oh, oh please. Now?

Sure. Let's just rest a bit. Stop worrying about it. I've got everything under control. 

Really?

Yes.

#Conversations With Him

I Can't Imagine

Image from Pixabay

The other day I heard a new song about the Lord's Prayer. It was on the radio in the car, though I don't remember the name. I rarely listen to the radio anywhere. I liked the song. 

A few days before this, I was listening to something or reading about prayer and it covered the Lord's Prayer. I had one of those profound moments that seem to happen more often these days. On the off chance you're not familiar with this prayer, it is located in Matthew 3, Mark 11, and Luke 11. It is:

After this manner, therefore pray ye: Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven.  Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, forever. Amen. Matthew 6:9-13.

In my mind, the last line of the prayer seemed to echo over and over, becoming a prayer itself. "For Thine is the Kingdom, and the Power, and The Glory, Forever!" It seemed to just roll over and over. I was overwhelmed by that one line for sometime, unable to fathom why I had never heard it before. I have heard this prayer hundreds, if not thousands. Most school children of my generation could recite it without missing a word. And yet, in that moment, it was as if I had never known the last line of that prayer. 

No, it wasn't rational. It made little sense. A week later, I still don't know why this struck me in such a fashion. It just did. 

All I could think of in that moment was, what if the whole world prayed that one line together? What if one country stood and prayed that one line loudly? What if in every meeting, in every ballpark, in every school, in every store, in every street, car, and bus? What if that line was the end of every prayer we prayed, every petition we uttered? 

What if every cry in the darkest place was "For thine is the Kingdom, the Power, and the Glory Forever!"

What would happen? 

I can't imagine.

It's Friday the 13! Are You Scared Yet?

If you have triskaidekaphobia today is not a good day for you. Friday the 13 is supposed to be an unlucky day and some folks are terrified of it. Personally, I've had some bad things happen on many days, so the 13th is just another day when something bad could happen. 

We have to keep in mind that mostly, we're not in control of events. We can step off a curb and make it safely across the street or get hit by a bus. Depends on how observant we are at that moment. If we get to the other side, we could trip on an uneven sidewalk and fall. We
might get hurt or just embarrassed. We can't predict what any moment may bring, never mind a whole day. 

The Bible tells us that fear is not from God. Actually, in Timothy says, "For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." (2 Tim 1:7) 

Fear makes us crazy! But that's not God's doing. It's a spirit called Fear.

Isaiah 41:10 says, "Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness."

Fear makes us dismayed, meaning: to cause to lose enthusiasm or resolution; disillusion or discourage: To upset or distress. It robs us of our strength and our vision. We lose hope. But God tells us he'll make us strong. 

Two verses later he says, "For I the LORD thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee. (Isa 41:13)  

The Lord is going to hold our hand and help us! 

David said, "The LORD is on my side; I will not fear: what can man do unto me?" (Psa 118:6)  

Well, man can hurt me! Right? Yep, but again, we have God whispering in our ear, encouraging us and holding our hand. He's going ahead of us to prepare the way. 

"Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the LORD thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee."(Deut 31:6) 

"So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me." (Heb 13:6)  

Not only is he going ahead of us, he will not abandon us in the middle of the fight. That's the only way to defeat fear. You must fight it until fear has no power over you. 

"I don't know how to do that?" Drown your fear in the Word. There is no comfort anywhere like it. No, it doesn't solve your problems. Life teaches us to solve problems. No, it won't even answer every question. The Bible tells us that only when we face God will we know everything. But it isn't about finding an answer to every question, it is about finding a source of strength, comfort, and peace to help us continue moving forward. 

"Be careful for nothing; but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:6-7)

"I sought the LORD, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears." (Psa 34:4)  He hears us; he holds our hand, he goes before us. What chance does fear have against such a foe?

We can defeat fear. I can't tell you how long or how difficult it will be for you. I can only promise that if you wrap yourself in His Word, if you talk with Him, lean on Him, you will build a house where fear can't survive for long. 

Finding Faith

 

A few weeks ago, I appeared to be in the middle of a crisis. I didn’t know what was wrong with me, but a terrible depression enveloped me like locusts. Despite sleeping for 10 hours a day, I was exhausted and couldn’t think well. I woke up tired and went to bed tired. Naps lasted 2 to 4 hours, and I still went to bed tired. Keeping my laundry clean and changing the sheets became insurmountable efforts. Becca came and helped clean the cat boxes and floors. I don’t know what I’d do without her sometimes. An ex-daughter-in-law who does things like that for you is a rare treasure. She owes me nothing, yet she helps when needed.

There were a lot of things going on in my life at the time and since Jerry died, I don’t cope well. I’m sorry if you think you get over it, but the trauma of seeing someone die the way he did doesn’t go away… ever. Stresses, of any sort, just about slay me. Believe me when I say that is not who I was prior to January 2009. 

However, I suspected the problem had a physical source. The spiritual realm saw it as an opportunity to jump on me with both metaphysical feet. When this happens, it is nightmarish. It is a dark, lonely road and I am alone. No, really. Alone.

Yes, I prayed. I had long, rambling conversations with God about all my troubles. I ranted. He listened. I read my Bible, looking for answers. Found nothing helpful. I asked questions he didn’t answer. I cried and cried and cried. For days, I’d find myself just torn in pieces. 

Despite what they tell you, you do not find solutions to every problem in the Bible. I’m sorry to disillusion anyone. They’re not all there. What you find are ways to cope with the unanswerable questions. You find direction in how to navigate a world where some problems aren’t ever solved and never will be solved. 

One evening, I addressed the subject of faith. Sometimes I feel stupid talking to someone who isn’t visible. I only do that at home… usually. I have done it in my car and once a passenger asked me about it.

Anyway, I reached a place where I was so frustrated. I said, “I don’t even know what faith is! I can’t say that to anyone because they’d quote Hebrews 1:11 ‘Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.’”

“What does that even mean? It makes no sense and is confusing. There is no substance of something you hope for. They don’t exist except in the mind! Something not seen has no form.”

I’m sure I didn’t word it exactly that way, but that was the basic content of my rant. Hear me, God doesn’t mind your rants. God understands them. Jesus ranted in the temple. He used a whip on them. So, he gets rants. Believe it or not, he responds to them nicely. He remains silent and lets you get it out of your system. 

My only option at this point was to open my Bible and show him what I was talking about. (Cause he must not have read that verse, of course.) I explained I didn’t know what it was and didn’t understand it and that I must be a terrible person and going to hell because maybe I didn’t have any faith at all and without faith it is impossible to please Him………. 

I can’t say how long my rant lasted. I was hurting, so it probably wasn't long. My heart hurt and I had a weary mind and a troubled soul. My body was feeling the effects of those locust feet. Still crying, I decided the best I could do was just go to bed. 

I’ve started reading a section of Psalms over the last few months. Prayer in dark places is difficult, and I found it impossible to find words to pray that didn’t sound self serving and repetitive to me. David did a better job of praying than I could ever hope to emulate. I dried my tears and read.

The passage I read was Psalms 119:33-50. You should read it. 

    33. HE. Teach me, O LORD, the way of thy statutes; and I shall keep it unto the end.

    34. Give me understanding, and I shall keep thy law; yea, I shall observe it with my whole heart.

    35. Make me to go in the path of thy commandments; for therein do I delight.

    36. Incline my heart unto thy testimonies, and not to covetousness.

    37. Turn away mine eyes from beholding vanity; and quicken thou me in thy way.

    38. Stablish thy word unto thy servant, who is devoted to thy fear.

    39. Turn away my reproach which I fear: for thy judgments are good.

    40. Behold, I have longed after thy precepts: quicken me in thy righteousness.

    41. VAU. Let thy mercies come also unto me, O LORD, even thy salvation, according to thy word.

    42. So shall I have wherewith to answer him that reproacheth me: for I trust in thy word.

    43. And take not the word of truth utterly out of my mouth; for I have hoped in thy judgments.

    44. So shall I keep thy law continually for ever and ever.

    45. And I will walk at liberty: for I seek thy precepts.

    46. I will speak of thy testimonies also before kings, and will not be ashamed.

    47. And I will delight myself in thy commandments, which I have loved.

    48. My hands also will I lift up unto thy commandments, which I have loved; and I will meditate in thy statutes.

    49. ZAIN. Remember the word unto thy servant, upon which thou hast caused me to hope.

    50. This is my comfort in my affliction: for thy word hath quickened me.

There are following parts of of Psalms 119 I also read sometimes, but this is basically my bedtime prayer. And this night I read this section. And was smacked between the eyes. 

“Remember the word unto thy servant, upon which thou hast caused me to hope.”

I stumbled over that and cried again. I looked further back into the passage. “... for I trust in thy word”

Remember the word to your servant, which you caused me to hope in and in which I trust.

Faith. Faith is the substance of things hoped for. Remember your word that caused me to hope. I trust your Word. This is my comfort in my affliction! You gave me your word, made me hope in your word. And I trust your Word. 

I don't believe I need to say anything else. You get it.

Merry Christmas & Blessed New Year!

Merry Christmas to all those who have followed this blog! Thank you for sticking around and putting up with my rambling posts. I hope my words encouraged you, enlightened you, made you smile, or comforted you. 

I don't post often because posts to this blog are different. I never know what I'll write about because I try to let my heart speak or let the Spirit speak through my heart. Sometimes the words were for me alone. Others, they were for someone else. I hope they found their home. 

Does anyone feel that we're watching the last grains of sand slip through the narrow opening of the glass? Time is running out so quickly. This year is almost over and I don't know anyone who would say it's been a good year. I pray the Lord blesses the coming year for us all, but I believe we're living in a time of rising evil. My view is that this is the devil's final onslaught before the end. We're being bombarded with every form of wickedness he can throw at us. The minds and actions of people are twisted and depraved beyond my wildest imaginings. 

When I pray these days, I find I'm praying for protection over those I pray for and for a purging of wicked people. That sounds awful, doesn't it? However, I believe God has offered us all an opportunity to choose who we will serve. If they will not heed His voice, then they are part of the problem we face. We are in the fight of our lives and the battle is with unseen forces. 

For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Ephesians 6:12.

Do not let the old year pass before you take a stand for righteousness. I believe we will be forced to pick sides in this thing. If you have not already, you will. Choose wisely. This may be the last major decision of your life. 

May the blessings of God fill your hearts and homes, may His protection surround you, may His hand guide you, and may his peace comfort you.

Our Trip to The Garden of Eden

Beyond That Point

So many people frightened.

I know. People I haven't talked to in years are calling.

... Oh ... wow.

I don't mind, but they don't listen. Breaks my heart.

...

What? Didn't you think I cared?

Yes, of course. I just hadn't thought of it from that perspective.

No one does.

I'm sorry. Are you complaining?

What? No! Of course not. I'm so happy to hear from them. I wish they'd call more often. And perhaps before it's too late.

Is it too late?

For some, yes. For many more in the coming days.

I've been concerned.

You've been terrified. 

Well, maybe a little.

No. A lot. But for you, that's nothing new.

Oh. Wow.

Hmm, yeah. 

I am trying to do better, for Sarah's sake. But the situation is so dangerous for me.

For you, every situation is dire.

Uh...

Close your mouth. Listen, you're always worried about something. And a suppressed immune system is something to be concerned about, particularly when viruses abound. Durning a pandemic, I completely understand. 

I sense a 'but'.

But you tell me you trust me. 

I do!

With what?

Why with ... with ... everything!

And if you get this virus?

I don't want to get this virus! I'm trying to stay isolated and sterilize everything possible.

But what if you get the virus?

I don't know. I have people relying on me. I can't think about that because I ...

Because you don't know what to do if it happens. You have no contingency plan. 

No.

And neither does anyone else. No one prepared for this day. The panic set in because no one ever believed the entire population could become ill in a matter of weeks. The idea most of the world could perish in a matter of days is incomprehensible to humanity. And yet it has happened before. You people never learn from the past.

I know. I studied the past for 5 years!

Ah. But with that knowledge, you still don't trust me.

I try. Very hard.

I know. Enough?

... I don't know. I hope so.

You're painfully honest. 

People don't like it. Not good if you want friends.

We're friends. I find it refreshing. 

I do trust you. It isn't the destination I fear; I fear the journey.

So, what is the post really about?

Don't I trust you?

I think you do up to a point. It is beyond that point that you can't see and that frightens you far more than this virus.

What do I do?

You'll never see beyond that point, blinded by fear. It isn't your trust that is the problem.

Oh ... It's my fear.

These talks are just the best, aren't they?

#ConversationsWithHim

New Year Blessings

May the One Eternal God smile on you in this new year. May He grant you grace and mercy. May He bless your going out and your coming in. And may you cultivate a desire to learn of Him, grown in Him, and live for Him. May you quench the thirsting of your soul by drinking from the living waters that flows from the eternal fountain.

God Bless and Happy New Year!

The Effects of a Grateful Heart

Courtsey Pixabay.com

Yes, I know Thanksgiving is over and we're headed for Christmas but this post has been gnawing at me for two or three weeks. It is time to share it.

My pastor is such an awesome teacher and I really enjoy Sunday School for that reason. Every sermon I come away with something good. A few weeks ago, and I can't remember the date, he preached on gratitude. During the sermon he cited a familiar passage that I'm sure everyone reading this has heard. This is the story of the 10 lepers.

Luke 17:11-19 King James Version (KJV)

11 And it came to pass, as he went to Jerusalem, that he passed through the midst of Samaria and Galilee.
12 And as he entered into a certain village, there met him ten men that were lepers, which stood afar off:
13 And they lifted up their voices, and said, Jesus, Master, have mercy on us.
14 And when he saw them, he said unto them, Go shew yourselves unto the priests. And it came to pass, that, as they went, they were cleansed.
15 And one of them, when he saw that he was healed, turned back, and with a loud voice glorified God,
16 And fell down on his face at his feet, giving him thanks: and he was a Samaritan.
17 And Jesus answering said, Were there not ten cleansed? but where are the nine?
18 There are not found that returned to give glory to God, save this stranger.
19 And he said unto him, Arise, go thy way: thy faith hath made thee whole.

Leprosy is a bacterial infection that affects the skin, eyes, nose, and peripheral nerves. It still exist today and a person can have it for decades without symptoms. The lack of sensation in the nerves can lead to severe injuries. Over time, a person can lose fingers, toes, ears, and even the nose from it. The signs of the advance disease can be horrible with missing or deformed extremities and facial features.

In this passage, the lepers ask Jesus to heal them. In those days, lepers were expelled from the community because they were contagious or considered unclean. They weren't allowed to attend religious services or visit their families. They had to beg for their survival and live in caves or where ever they could find shelter. If their leprosy cleared up, they had to present themselves to the priest. Only the priest could declare them clean or healed from the disease and allow them to return to their normal lives.

During the lesson I thought about this. Jesus sent the men to the priest to verify they were cleansed of the disease. Of those ten men, only one turned back to thank him. Almost as an afterthought, we're reminded that he is a Samaritan.

I read up on them a bit while writing this. Samaritans were not accepted by the Jews but they claim to be descendants of Aaron, which would make them brothers. The information I obtained in research said Samaritan means "keeper of the law". This would explain the behavior of the Good Samaritan and probably this leper who returned to worship and give thanks.

As I listened to the lesson, something else struck me. I don't know why I missed it in the past. A life spent in church means I'm pretty familiar with a tremendous amount of Bible stories. This one is of the more famous variety. Yet, I never noticed something and it reminded me why I prefer the King James Version of the Bible over other translations.

Verse
The last verse in the NIV says this: Then he said to him, “Rise and go; your faith has made you well.”
 The KJV says:  And he said unto him, Arise, go thy way: thy faith hath made thee whole. 

That may be a small difference to you and unimportant but it is a vast world of difference to me. Jesus cleansed all 10 lepers and sent them to the priest to be verified. One turned back and Jesus was stunned both by his honor and because this was a Samaritan. The Samaritan was bound by his obedience to the law to give thanks for cleansing. And Jesus' reaction was profound. He didn't just cleanse #10. He made him whole.

Let that sink in a minute. While I was sitting through the lesson I felt what I hope you're feeling right now, this kind of internal gasp.

Jesus didn't just cleanse the 10th leper. He actually restored all the missing parts. He could return to his family. Everyone who knew him would see the astonishing miracle of his healing. He'd have to explain how those missing fingers or ears were no longer missing. The other nine could also go home, but they'd be forever reminded of their past. Those who knew them would also see the evidence. However, Jesus made the 10th leper whole because of a grateful heart and an obedience to his faith.

Gratitude is essential if you want to be whole. An ungrateful heart creates missing components to your life. Let's always turn back to give Him thanks for His lovingkindness and mercy.


Resources:

• http://factsanddetails.com/world/cat55/sub394/entry-5930.html

• https://www.bibleodyssey.org/en/people/related-articles/samaritans

Cleaning House

When I was growing up, Mama used to pray a lot and I'd hear her many times. She prayed for all of us and even for our animals if they were sick. From somewhere, and I think it was her, I learned about praying for every room in your house.

Now, I want to be clear here. This is not like what you see on television where a person is performing an ancient ritual of cleansing burning sage and other herbs. I believe cleansing rituals have been around probably longer than formal religion. Even the Hebrews practiced burning incense in the temple and it was considered a "sweet savour to the Lord" and they probably did the same in their homes. Although, I can't be sure about the homes it wouldn't surprise me.

People have always, forever believed that evil could inhibit the space they lived in, whether it be caves, grass huts, or frame houses. I am certain many religions practiced some kind of cleansing rituals to protect themselves and their loved ones. Christians pray for the same reason other faiths pray, and yes, most "religion", whatever or whoever it is based on, have some kind of prayer or incantations. That is a common feature. So, it isn't surprising to me that cleansing rituals cross cultural and religious lines.

We've been seeing some problems with Sarah lately that just seemed too far off the chart for her and it has us stymied on how to deal with it.  Of course, I pray for her. I pray for my own children, too, even now. However, the issues that began to present themselves were of such concern I felt that prayer wasn't enough. She had developed such a negative spirit it was affecting everything from school work, behavior to emotional feelings. Is there ever a time prayer wasn't enough? Jesus thought so. He said so in Matthew 17:21.

So, I decided to do something I've only done a few times in my life but that I learned as a child. I "swept" the house. The first time I remember doing it I used an actual broom. I started in the room that was farthest from the exit doors of my house and began praying, using the broom in sweeping motions while I ordered every unclean spirit, every bad attitude, and every negative emotion from the room. I moved through the whole house, ending up sweeping it all out the door.

A few years ago, I was having some problems and I talked to a minister about it and he advised me to anoint my windows and doors with oil. Of course, we anoint people with oil when we pray for them in church because the scripture instructs us to do that. In fact, I prefer that they do that rather than just laying hands on me. Anyway, I followed his instructions and anointed my windows and doors and followed with prayer similar to what I did with the broom.

This week, I felt that I needed to sweep the house again, I didn't do it right away. Something kept telling me that it would help with our situation. It took me two days to actually follow through. Well, I got a bottle of olive oil and started in Sarah's room. I anointed the windows first and ordered every window sealed against any spirit not of God. I "flushed" the room clear through the door and then, sealed the door with the oil. I moved through every room, sealing windows first then doors. When I reached the last exit door of the house, I opened the door and ushered out anything negative or evil that had made it that far and then, I sealed the last door with oil. I even did the garage.

When Sarah came home that evening, she was still a bit "dark". She just didn't care about anything. When a child starts uttering "I don't care" about serious things, there is a problem that spanking and grounding won't cure. But I did notice a few minutes after getting home, she seemed to get in a better mood. By the next day, home behavior was much more relaxed, less arguing, less resistance to instructions, more friendly. She voluntarily read and did things that didn't require her Ipad. Last night, she got the cane I have to use on occasion, put on my glasses and began imitating me. It was hysterical and we were laughing and having a wonderful time. Two days before I couldn't get a civil word out of her.

I've been praying the same way for my property ever since I've been in this house. I pray a spiritual fence around the property and seal it off. I don't know why I started doing it but I've always done it. I've only done the house twice because I've only felt the need for it twice. I suspect I may do it more often for a while.

This may all seem foolish to you and hokey religion. Just don't tell me it didn't work. She's still struggling with some things and since life is a daily struggle I am sure it will require more work. However, I'm thankful God doesn't take the foolish things lightly. That some ancient rituals are not out of date. Remember Jesus, purging the temple? He physically took a whip and went through the temple court and tossed everything he found abhorrent out, including people and animals. I just used his method in the spiritual world, rather than the physical. That's what cleansing is, removing every dirty thing from your realm and restoring order to it.

Who Are You?

I had a thought recently. I can't remember what led to it but I think it was something I read. At any rate, this verse came to mind. 

What then did you go out to see? A man dressed in fine clothes? Look, those who wear fine clothing are found in kings' palaces.  But what went ye out for to see? A prophet? yea, I say unto you, and more than a prophet. Matthew 11:8-9

The verses are a part of a statement issued by Jesus about John the Baptist. The disciples had come with a message from John asking if Jesus was, in fact, the Messiah.  He sent the disciples back to John with a clear answer. He related his miracles, which in essence said, "Yes, that's who I am."

It occurred to me that a lot of people are asking that same question even today. "Who are you?" The question sounds simple but I suspect it is visceral, rather than just curiosity. Perhaps it is incised on our souls and we can't help but ask it?

If you read the whole chapter, you can see that Jesus gives an overview of how the people received John and compared it to his own reception. They saw John's stellar but stringent life and called him a devil. They saw Jesus living life just as those around him, working, spending time with his family, associating with all manner of people and called him a drunkard and a glutton.

I can hear the priest, their voices scathing and looking down their long noses. "Who are you?"  I can hear the cripple, his voice stressed and eyes pleading. "Who are you?"

The frightened, the lonely, the destitute, the wounded, the broken, the dejected, the hopeless, and the lost in the middle of their despair, have screamed the question. "Who are you?"   On my worst days, when the pain is so bad I can't cry, when my body hurts, my heart hurts, and my mind can't hang on to a clear thought I ask the same question. "Who are you?" 

Yes, even those who have believed all their lives have moments when we ask that question. I'm sorry if it offends anyone, but if you say you never asked, I won't believe you. Everyone has experienced a time when the bottom drops out of their world and they don't know which way is up. It is a cliched experience that we all have at some point. Don't worry if you haven't, you will. And in the middle of that moment, when all seems lost and broken, and confusion is smothering the life out of you, the question will be there. From the deepest, darkest core of your being, something will whisper in desperation, "Who are you?"

At some point, you'll hear it. It may not happen instantly. In fact, it may be hours, days, weeks, or years before you hear it but if you're listening, you'll hear it. It will be like a whisper on a breeze, floating into your mind when you are so overwhelmed with life that you can't help but think it.

"Who are you!"

We're not the first to ask.

"Who is like You among the gods, O LORD? Who is like You, majestic in holiness, Awesome in praises, working wonders? Exodus 15:11

All my bones shall say, Lord, who is like unto thee, which deliverest the poor from him that is too strong for him, yea, the poor and the needy from him that spoileth him? Psalm 35:10 

Who is like unto the Lord our God, who dwelleth on high, Psalm 113:5

You'll find the answer buried in the dark and despair, beneath pain and grief, and the weight of hopelessness. You'll have to rip open the wounds, uncover the fear, and relive the thing that brought you to this place. You'll have to dig to find it. For all precious treasures are buried beneath the weight of the world. Hidden from all but the determined seeker.

Who did you come to see?

Great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised in the city of our God, in the mountain of his holiness. Psalm 48:1

For the Lord is a great God, and a great King above all gods. Psalm 95:3 

Ah Lord God! behold, thou hast made the heaven and the earth by thy great power and stretched out arm, and there is nothing too hard for thee: Jeremiah 32:17

Just Me

Things have not gone exactly as planned.

I see. Whose plans?

Well. . . I expected the surgery to fix my problem. That was the plan I had in mind.

They told you that might not happen.

They did. I thought you'd be involved in this, too.

I was there.

I know. I was never afraid at all and I expected to be a little nervous. I wasn't. I was talking about afterward.

You're disappointed.

Ya think? I still have an arm that is dipped in boiling water most of the day. When it isn't, it is simmering. So, disappointed is an understatement.

.....

I watched a video of a girl being healed yesterday. It was amazing. Awe inspiring, even.

......

I don't think I know what faith is and that's distressing Is it belief you will or belief you can? Because I know nothing is impossible for you. I also know you don't do everything you're asked. So believing you will doesn't make it so. Believing you can if you choose... well that's different. I think it is your choice. If you don't want to do something, no matter how much I believe you will won't change that.

How does that make you feel?

Sad. Disappointed. Frustrated. Confused. Because I don't understand which it is and it makes it impossible to know what to do.

.....

I'm being truthful, here.

I know.

I hate when they quote that scripture about faith being the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen. I have no idea what that means. I've researched it and I don't think anyone else does either.

That could be true.

This isn't helping me.

Oh, I think it probably is. You usually come up with something.

Not today. Today is dark, wet, cold. Without faith it is impossible to please God.

You've had answers to prayers. You believe.

......

Just not always the answers to the prayers that mean the most to you. 

Things that involve me. I prayed for Sarah a few days ago for some severe jaw pain she was having and she came running down the hall five minutes later, wrapped in a towel saying, "My jaw doesn't hurt anymore!" That meant something to me. I've prayed for myself.... Repeatedly. Without the same results and I'm kind of tired.

Everyone has that feeling at one time or another. When the journey gets rough, find a place to rest.

Rest! That's a whole 'nother blog post.

You trusted me in the surgery, when they took knives to your spine. Why is it you don't trust me in this moment.

I don't know. I don't think it is a trust issue.

Then what is it?

Just me.



#ConversationsWithHim

The Face in the Mirror

For years I looked in the mirror every morning and wondered who was staring at me. The face was familiar. I thought I knew it. And she had titles: Jerry's wife, Jerry's social security number (Army wife), Mike & Dave's mother, office manager, Housing Specialist, writer, sister, aunt, Jerry's widow. I'm surprised at how many of them I had and that there are more. Maybe that was why I'd always been secure and certain. I'd felt safe. I was safe. Wasn't I?

One night a storm came, and the world changed. When the sun came up everything was shaken, turned upside down, and life was frozen into glittering shards tearing me apart. There was no confidence, no courage, and no thankfulness.

The face in the mirror was tired, strained, and afraid. It was the face of a woman alone and devastated by things she never dreamed could happen to her. I didn't know her. I couldn't begin to understand her.

Sometimes, the things that happen to us seem so pointless. We're inundated by whys to the point we feel we're drowning in them. What purpose did that serve? Why did that happen? Where is God when you need him?

There are books designed to help you find answers to those kinds of questions. I've read a few of them. They don't know either. When you're searching they seem trite and a bit arrogant. What do they know? They haven't looked in my mirror.

This year some things happened that forced me to change my perspective ... and my position. The face in my mirror was showing the stress. I had to make a choice that placed me in an unfamiliar environment and I wasn't happy with it. This change had been pushing at me for at least 5 years. I always resisted. I knew me. I knew what was best for me. Didn't I?

Life got complicated. I got sicker. I had to make a decision. I cried. I moved.

There is a moment when we've actually done the right thing, made the right decision, or changed our perspective that is unlike any other experience. A clarity and a buoyancy washes over you and everything glows. Colors are vivid. The sun shines brighter, the sky is bluer, and clouds are fluffier. We even feel lighter. I suspect this is what some call a "light bulb moment".

Life has a way of twisting back on itself so that we often end where we began but in a different state. That's how I felt. I was back where I started, but this time, all alone. I looked for a term that defined this sensation and the only thing that came close was equilibrium: The condition in which all acting influences are balanced or canceled by equal opposing forces, resulting in a stable system. From: http://www.biology-online.org/dictionary/Equilibrium

We refer to this state as balance. Life is constantly seeking balance. We're constantly seeking to shift this balance because we think we know best. We push ahead, seeking our own way. Life pushes back to reestablish true equilibrium. Sometimes it pushes hard. It hurts. Things we don't like happen. We're out of balance. If we stop pushing, life will stop pushing. Balance will reassert itself. You'll feel better, maybe not well, but better. Things may even make sense or you'll feel like they do. Life will still be hard, but it will be less confusing, less frustrating, and less disappointing. And you might find peace. Not happiness, peace. They're not the same.

The face in my mirror now is older. There are these lines that were not there 7 years ago. The emotional chaos of my life has left an impact, but then, so has the weather. I never used sunblock. However, the strain has lessened. The effects of the storm are swept away, and new construction replaced the destruction. It is a smaller existence. I'm still tired, but I take naps. I'm still sick, but I'm feeling better in many ways. I'm still alone, but there are worse things. Slowly, balance is reasserting itself. I'm not exactly happy, but I'm satisfied.

I don't know how those darn mirrors survived the devastation, but they polish up well. The face that looks back at me is acceptable. Finally, I'm content with who I am and where He is leading me. I'm confident that He knows the way. And I am more than thankful.

What is Blessing?

For the last couple of days I've been reminded several times of how blessed I am. The sensation of being blessed has just been overwhelming. This set me wondering why it is often so hard to notice when we're blessed. I know many of us say, "I'm blessed." But as Inigo Montoya* once said, "I do not think that word means what you think it means."

We're all blessed just to be above ground and breathing. That's not what I'm talking about. We are here by decree. God placed us here. He didn't place us here as a blessing. At least, I don't believe so. He placed us here so he could spend time with us. That is a blessing of sorts but may folks don't believe in God, are not religious, or have miserable lives. So, just being alive and present is not necessarily a blessing to many.

What is a blessing? Pentecostals often say, "He got a blessing" when someone shouts under the influence of the Holy Ghost. Others say a financial windfall is a blessing. Some of us considered the "A" on our report card a blessing. I guess those can all be defined as blessings. The report card probably occurred because you worked hard, not because God gave it to you. He gave you the intelligence to achieve it but  believe me, he didn't make it easy. The windfall could be because of hard work made possible by the strength he gave you. Winning the lottery... not so much. It is a game of chance. Many folks think the universe came about the same way, by chance. So, that's isn't a blessing either. Chance negates God's participation. Nothing God is involved in is subject to chance.

The dictionary defines blessing this way:
1 a :  the act or words of one that blesses
   b :  approval, encouragement
2    :  a thing conducive to happiness or welfare
3    :  grace said at a meal

I think the words approval and encouragement are what I recognize as blessings. We designate so many things as a blessing that I think we lose sight of what the bare bones of the concept really is. God's approval and his encouragement are the basis of real blessing. To have his approval and be encouraged by him when life is a mess is an amazing blessing. You may not recognize the blessing at the time, but eventually, you can look back with clarity and see just how much you are blessed.

Face it, it is easy to feel blessed when the bills are paid, there's food on the table, and a roof over your head. It is much harder when the bank account is empty after you paid for all that. Writing that tithe check is a struggle when a bill collector just told you to sell something to pay them. When the baby is sick and you have no one to call it is hard to feel blessed. When your spouse dies and you sit in an empty house alone you don't feel blessed. You don't even feel God at times.

I've experienced every one of those things. I know how I felt. Alone, forsaken, and destitute. Not blessed. When I couldn't take my kid to the doctor because I had no money and no insurance. When my husband and I had nothing but temp jobs for over a year. It is a horrible feeling. But I remember we still managed to survive, pay the bills, and keep our house. I remember getting a job I applied for after I promised to pay extra tithes for one year if God would give me the job. Do you know, when faced with it I hesitated. But I did it... for two years. We were better off financially than we'd ever been before.

Was it a blessing? What was the blessing and who was blessed? Check the first definition. An act by which one blesses. I wasn't the one getting blessed. God was. He took me at my word and I had to follow through.  I blessed him.

And he blessed me. With his approval and encouragement. I wanted to pay the extra that second year. I loved being able to do it. I recognized the graciousness of God allowing me the ability to do so.

I have RA, fibromyalgia, and take tons of medication. I've asked for healing. Over and over and over. God hasn't healed me. Standing in church last Sunday I had to sit down. With no warning, I felt as if I'd been hit by a bus. In moments, pain swept over my whole body. I was in church, worshiping God and was hit with terrible pain. I thought I'd have to leave immediately. Where's the blessing?

My son saw how sick I was and asked the pastor to come pray for me. Did the pain leave? It eased up but it did not leave.  I went home in pain. But I feel so blessed.

In recent months I've begun to think that being blessed is not a state of being. It is a state of mind. It isn't something you can see, taste, or touch. Blessings are not things, places, or people. It is a brain thing. How your mind sees your condition and situation determine whether or not you're blessed. You can look at a broken leg as a disaster. Never mind that the other person in the car crash died.  Perhaps they went home to be with the Lord.  Who got blessed?

Blessing isn't location based. It isn't positional. It isn't health based. It isn't wealth based. Blessing is relationship based. How you view the chaos around you is important because it determines your relationship with others, particularly God. Wallowing in pity may feel good for about a minute. If it didn't we wouldn't do it. Admit it, you feel justified in your misery. Well, I do. But it doesn't matter. Misery doesn't affect blessing. Because it is relational, not emotional. God loves me when I'm miserable, probably more than when I 'm happy. Because he wants to comfort me.

That is blessing.

Stop thinking your situation is hopeless. Maybe it is. Maybe there is no cure, no fix, no money, no friends. But God wants to comfort you right where you are because your relationship is where you find him.

It is ok to feel bad. It is ok to cry. It is ok to be angry, sick, disgusted, annoyed, frustrated, or furious. Those are emotions God gave us. The Bible says "Be angry and sin not." Recognize that God is in the storm and in the calm. He's in the fire and the flood. In the midst of turmoil he seeks to hold your hand and walk you through it. Or he's waiting on the other side for you to walk to him.

That is the blessing.







*The Princess Bride

A Star to Steer By

It's been interesting, you know?

I try to make it so. What, exactly, have you found interesting?

I'm different.

Really?

At least, today I am. I have been for a bit.

How so?

I'm not sure. Something is different.

In a good way, I hope.

.... I think so.... Yes.

Well, I'm glad to hear it. 

The medicine has given me a chance to breathe.

And we certainly want you breathing.

That's funny.

I try.

Seriously....

I was. But we're digressing. What is different.

I'm in the right place. For the first time, in a very long time, I feel I'm in the right spot. Or at least on the right road.

Oh, well, that's good. You must have been reading the map.

{sigh} I always read the maps.

Sure you do.

Anyway, at some point in the last several months, something shifted and I knew the decisions I'd made were the right ones. That, whatever else happened, I had turned onto the right road and was headed .... north?

It's a direction.

Yes, well, as a southerner one might say the wrong direction. But the north star is used to navigate. If one is lost, find the north star and get your bearings.

You've found your bearings?

...................... I think so. But I'm still afraid.

No surprise there. It is one of your most endearing qualities.

..........................

I mean it in the nicest way. When you are afraid, you always call me. 

I'm sorry. I try very hard not to be afraid.

You don't trust yourself very much and sometimes you don't trust me either. I'll tell you a secret.

Yes?

You've actually started trusting me more. 

Are you being funny again? Because...

No, I'm serious. You're still a little terrified. But overall, I'm very pleased with your progress.

Me, too.

#ConversationsWithHim

I Am Blessed

It has been a rough month... and it is only half over. I won't go into all the things that have hit me . It would take too long and range from the physical to the emotional to the spiritual and affected several relationships. You name it, I've dealt with it in the space of the last 6 weeks.

But there is a strange thing that has happened during all of it. The same words kept coming to my mind every time I was overwhelmed by stress, distress, anxiety, frustration, and annoyance.

I am blessed. I am highly favored. God has been so good and provided for me in every way possible.

 No, he didn't heal me of the horrible pain I've been dealing with or the emotional stresses that assailed me. Yet, the feeling of being so very blessed was there, in the middle of pain, in the middle of the stress.

I hate anxiety. I hate the shortness of breath, the tightness in my chest, the creeping fear that causes the hair on my arms to stand up. I hate the sensation that something is about to pounce, something dark and scary that I can't see. It is the most horrible feeling in the world. Fear that has no direction, no limit, and no discernable source. It is the "Something is coming" feeling of every horror movie you ever saw.

But I am so blessed. God, for some unimaginable reason, smiled on me at some point.

Oh, I wish I could tell you the stories that would shock you, the ones that would make you stare open mouthed at me. I don't dare. I try and forget those. But how could all that happen to someone and they still say they are blessed.

I don't know. I really don't. I ask myself how and it makes no sense. I just know that the reality hits me in the chest at the most horrible times in my life. When I'm out of control, when I'm prostrate from grief, pain, or fear, I know if I listen carefully, shut out the chaotic sounds of my life, I can hear the words.

I am so very blessed. God is still in control.

Set A Watch Over Your Children

http://www.tommynelson.com/school-day-prayers/

I really love this little chart I found on Pinterest!  I often pray with Sarah before she leaves the house for school, particularly on days when she seems to be having a bad morning. I'm sorry I didn't do that with my boys. I've learned a lot since then but I did pray for them. In hindsight, maybe not enough. I've made a point to pray with Sarah before she leaves for school.

Why pray for your children before they leave for school? School, particularly in the 21st century is a hard place for children and they need a lot of help to get through it. If you are too old to remember how hard it was for you, something is wrong.  It is also no longer a place where wholesome and ethical values are likely to be taught. Rather the reverse is more likely. In fact, it is a place that your child could die.

Certainly, today our children need a prayer covering more than any generation ever has before. The spiritual attack on them is designed to corrupt every area of their lives: mental, emotional, spiritual. They face stress, anger, low self-esteem, resentment, jealousy, hatred, malice, and even sexual attacks both physical and mental. Bullying is clearly spiritual in nature for both the bully and the person bullied. Every area of their life is under attack in a school environment, particularly if they are attempting to live as a Christian. They are a target.

It is your responsibility to protect your children from any attack on them from any source. So, if you aren't praying for your children before they walk out that door, remember you are sending them into the lion's den. You are leaving them defenseless against attacks from all areas of their life. The stress will affect performance. Sometimes, the stress kills them.

The above chart is a really good guide to what kind of things to pray about and really, you don't have to have an hour-long prayer to cover these things. Read it with your child, let them know why you're going to pray about these things for them and follow the KISS method. Keep it simple, silly. Every point can be prayed for in a few words before they go out the door. You can add any points that you think need to be added.

Also, let them know that you will be praying for them during the day. Later, when you have prayer time you can expand on it but the important thing at this point is to let your children know that you are sending them out with a prayer covering and that you will continue to pray for them while they are at school. I promise you, the benefits to your children are enormous. The faith of children is legendary and if you've raised them to believe in prayer, the comfort they get from knowing you've prayed for them is huge.

Here is the link to School Day Prayer  blog where you can print this chart off for yourself and read the blog post about it. The site has other great items you might be interested in.

My Struggle to Escape The Web

On July 30th I deactivated my Facebook account for an unspecified time. I'd like to think I can last for 30 days. I'll be happy to last a week. What drove this decision? Let's just say I received several signs, although, maybe it was more like a billboard.

On a trip to Arkansas to pick up my granddaughter and to see my son I ran across a library book sale and picked up a half a dozen books for $1.00. Several were Christian books. One of these I'd been looking for but it is out of print. Interesting, huh? A second I'd never heard of but it struck a cord.

As soon as I started reading the first book several things began to happen. First, I was hit with problems I didn't understand. The devil knows where the chinks in my armor are located and he managed to get his spear into them. It was two days before it dawned on me and although I was upset, at least I understood. Sometimes, knowing makes painful things bearable, sort of like an analgesic.

I finished the first book very quickly, but the second one I'm still working on. I'm totally blown away by the content because it is filled with things I've wanted to know, prayers I've actually prayed.

The second event the billboard. God wanted my attention. While in Arkansas a woman I have never seen before, whose name I do not know, and who I probably will never see again walked up to me and made a statement of two sentences. Then she walked away. I won't share what she said but there is no way she could have known what she knew. I've prayed about it and gnawed on it but I can't find any sense to it. She knew something about me she shouldn't and couldn't possibly have known. In fact, there is not a single soul in the world who knows what she knew but me and God. She didn't know the people I was visiting and we did not converse outside of her statement to me. It disconcerted me.

Why now? Well, for the first time in a long time, I was without the ability to get on social media for a week. What do you know, I hear a Voice. One I should have heard all along. If I'd been paying attention to something besides memes, politics, or the endless stream of meaningless status updates.

The cumulative impact of these events propelled me. I wanted to go home. As soon as I got home I knew I had to make changes. I decided I needed to cut out as many distractions as possible. I want to finish the book I'm reading and I want to explore the ideas in greater depth. I want to increase my time reading and studying my Bible. I want to pray more. I want to listen even more. I'm setting some goals in regard to these and my writing. I have to factor in dirty dishes, laundry, cleaning the house, my illness, my pain, and naps.

I'm three days in. I wish I could say the last few days without Facebook have been a breeze. They haven't. Things present themselves with the tag, "You could put this on Facebook if you hadn't deactivated your account." It is annoying, so much so that I am using it as a tool to keep me off. That statement alone tells me how much Facebook has wrapped itself around my life, into my spirit and mind.

A friend once told me he smoked and I was surprised. I told him that I never thought he'd be controlled by anything. He wrote me later and told me he was trying to quit smoking because of that statement. I've reached that same place. I refuse to allow my mind and spirit to be trapped and distract me from what is really important.

Yes, I miss hearing from family. I miss contact with my "friends". I miss sharing special things with them. And yet, have I really been doing that? Do I actually hear from anyone? Does anyone really "contact" me? Who exactly am I sharing with? I don't want to admit that I don't really know. I no longer even know my family. Do I know people on facebook? No, I can count maybe 20 people that I've physically met, that I am unrelated to and some of my relatives, I've never met.

The truth is none of us have ever shared anything real on Facebook. We post photos, memes, other people's opinions, other people's values, and other people's ideals. We've offered condolences, prayers, and encouragement. But how sad that we've never felt a real pat on the back, a real hug, a real smile and thumbs up. We've said it is because of distances. But how many of us are sitting in a room with someone right now and we're all staring at a computer or phone screen? We are fakes. The more apropos name for Facebook would be Fakebook. Even the name is false. It is neither a book nor a real face.

As a writer, I'm told that I'm required to have a following on social media, the bigger, the better. Do the "followers" even realize they're nothing more than a number? They have no value outside the internet. Oh, they're told they do... by form emails and sales pitches. But the truth is, it is the numbers that matter. We are just a number in "You have X numbers of friends". Shut off the computer and you're nobody.

I'm not saying you can't develop relationships online. There are dozens of folks I've had internet conversations with, some for more than a decade, that I have come to call friend. I've made an effort to learn more about who they are, what is going on in their lives, their troubles, trials, and triumphs. We've talked on phone calls. I appreciate their sharing themselves. Many I'll never meet face to face but I value them. But there are far more I don't have a clue about.

What I'm saying is that any object or hobby that demands so much attention without offering anything to improve me as a person, that takes away from improving my life or the life of those around me, and that prevents me from living a real life doesn't deserve my attention. Any app/program that insist I drop real interactions to follow the latest drama of someone I don't know or even someone I do know is not profitable and a waste of time.

I've been facing a shortage of time for a while now. Autoimmune diseases rob you of everything. I got more done when I had a full-time job than I do now. I accomplished so much when my husband was driving a truck and I was a full-time student with two adolescents. He was home twice a month for three days. I had to do it all but it got done. I remember getting up at 6 a.m., putting the boys on the bus at 7:30, getting to class by 8 a.m, home by 3 p.m. cooking supper, helping with homework while I cleaned house and got the boys in bed by 9 p.m. I started on my homework then and my bedtime was 1 a.m. 5 days a week. We had time to play games and read stories. Saturday was laundry day and Sunday was God's. Know what was different back then? I didn't have any social media. I graduated with honors and went to work and still did all that work. And the world never knew.

I suppose it boils down to priorities. I'm resetting mine today. When I hear or see things that are blatantly the voice or presence of God despite my lackadaisical attitude, I need to pay attention. I should have been paying attention. Time is in OUR control. How we use it is up to us. Everyone has 24 four hours a day - 168 hours a week. The average job is 40 hours a week. That leaves 128 (equivalent to 3 more full-time jobs) for God, cleaning, cooking, laundry, and family time. And in my case, college. If something isn't getting done, we need to reset our priorities. What is going on that required 168 hours a week?

For anyone calling themselves Christian these things can be counterproductive spiritually. I need to ask questions: What did I neglect today in favor of social media? Did I read my Bible today or Facebook? Did I pray today or check Facebook? Did I spend time with my family without social media or my phone? How much time did I actually spend on Facebook compared to the real world demands of living and time I spent with or for God?

How dedicated are you, really? I can't answer for you, but I know I can do better.

They call it The Web for a reason. It is a snare, a trap for the unwary. Being wrapped up in a web is one step away from death. The spider eventually spears the victim and sucks the life out of them. I'm cutting myself loose. I refuse to be ensnared by social media or anything else. I refuse to have my life become a tangled cocoon that can't carry on a conversation with the people in the room with me. It is both insulting and disrespectful and the cocoon looks stupid. I want to experience life, with living breathing people.

More than anything else, I want to keep having these conversations with God. Pardon me while I cut the web away.

Trust

Written 2/08/2004

A small, pretty frame designed to hold a quotation sits to the left of my monitor. It was a gift from a co-worker when she cleaned her desk preparatory to taking a new job over a year ago.  In it is a phrase that says, "Trust in the Lord, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed."  Psalms 37:4.  About a year ago, just for fun, I typed up this framed scripture and placed it near my computer because I spend a lot of time here. The original quote and the other I made are stored behind this one. There are three total and I change them once in a while.

This week I changed it because I needed to be reminded that there are times when trust is all you can do and there is promise attached to trust.  When you are doing everything you can think of to get by and still things seem to be falling apart around you, all you can do is trust.  And I am not a trusting person.

I am a perfectionist who is terrified when I am not in control of any situation.  But in recent years, life has cruelly taught me that I can't be in control of every situation.  It is a terrible feeling for me. Not long ago, I asked myself, and God, why it seemed that I was having to go through the same thing over and over.  It seems that for the last ten years I have re-lived several periods of time.  No matter what I do, or how hard I try, I keep repeating the same events, experiences, over and over. Constantly on the brink of financial disaster, my husband always getting sick and unemployed, my children struggling in some way.  And I keep asking God why is that. Why can't things get better?  Why do I have to have this same thing happen again and again?  Why am I constantly in need?  What have I done?

He never answered. And I began to suspect that was the whole point.  He shouldn't have to tell me what I am missing.  The fact that I AM missing something is the very reason I keep repeating history.  If I got it, I wouldn't have to keep repeating it!  At least, I hope that is the way it works.

On occasion, I am afraid because all of humanity fears uncertainty. And my life is pretty uncertain. Will Jerry go back to work? Will I get a better job? Will my son who is about to get married be able to make it financially?  Will my youngest son EVER finish school? Will he EVER go to collage?  Will he EVER get a job?

I suppose I could go out and buy an 8 Ball and try to find the answers to my questions.  You remember those. I had one in the late 60's, when they first came out.  No one really believed they could answer your questions but as a kid it was a fun game.  But in the real world, there is no magic 8 Ball, no fortune cookie I can break open for an answer.  The only answer I have sits next to my computer in a pretty frame. I have been reading it a lot the last few days.

Trust.

How in the world am I going to do that?  How does anyone do it?

Sometimes, when I am praying, I have the strongest sense that I am so close to something unbelievable.  In my mind I see, just beyond my reach, this thick cloud I can't see through. But I know that if I could just push past it, if I could just clear it away, there is something wonderful hidden back there.  If I could only reach it.  Just one glimpse and I would have the strength to push forward.  I could trust.  But the fog rolls back, thick and impenetrable.  And I am downcast because of it.

Trust!

How in the world am I going to do that?  How does anyone do it?

I don't know if I have figured it out yet, but recently I have felt that I am getting there. No, the problems are not solved. No, I do not have a new job. No, I am not a nicer person (I think I am pretty charming the way I am).  No, I don't know if I will survive this ordeal I find myself in. But someone said, "That which does not kill us, makes us strong."  I don't much like that, but it is true.  I have become tenacious. I have become stubborn. I refuse to give up. I refuse to lie down and stop trying.  I won't turn back.  I have dug my trench and it is here that I will fight.  I have claimed this land as mine.  I may be defeated in this battle. But the war is not over.  And I am still breathing.

So, what was that original framed quote?  I know you wondered.

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct thy paths."  Proverbs 3:56

Ah!

And the other that is stored in the back of the frame?  "Commit thy way unto the Lord: Trust also in Him; and He shall bring it to pass."  Psalm 37:5

I typed them up. They look really pretty in the frame.  But I wonder why I never really read them before now?

10 More Days of Praise: Day 7 - How Often Do I Praise Him?

While at an airport a few years ago, I watched a cab driver get out of his cab, open his trunk, take out a small rug, spread the rug on the sidewalk, kneel down, and start bowing. I don't know how long he prayed. I was sitting on a bench waiting for my ride, but it was more than a minute or two. I think I was the only one watching him. No one stopped, stared, or commented.

I considered his behavior odd, the way we consider Mormons at the front door odd. As I sat there I thought about how lax we are as Christians. If I remember correctly, at the time I even prayed for a moment, for God to help me be more in tune, to take more opportunity to talk with him.

That Muslim cab driver at the airport made an impact on me. Not to become a Muslim, but to become more of a Christian. I wanted to have the kind of faith that made me want to stop what I was doing and give God a moment of my time. Did I leave the airport changed? I don't know, but I do know that since then I desire more time with God.

Since the mid-90's I have always made it a point to pray in my car, every time I go somewhere. At that time, I was driving all over, making roughly a 30 mile round trip to the university for my own classes, sometimes twice a day, shopping, and getting kids to and from their school if necessary. At home, I was so frantic trying to get meals, do homework, help the kids with homework, and go to school myself that I had virtually no spare time. Prayer was a problem.

I began to take time when I was between classes at home, to pray but it felt like it wasn't enough. I realized I was spending more than an hour in my car on an average day. So, when I saw a classmate leaving the school singing like a madman in his truck, I came up with a plan. I laughed at him, but it occurred to me that if he could do that, why was I worried about anyone noticing me if I prayed in the car. So, I began to use my drive time to and from school to pray. As soon as I clicked my seatbelt I began to talk to God and for every trip there and back, I would pray aloud. Some days I would not even remember the drive home.

It became such an ingrained habit that one Saturday as my oldest son and I were going to the store, as soon as my seatbelt clicked, I started to pray. He said, "Mom, what are you doing?" I stopped and looked at him. I didn't know what to say. For a moment, I hadn't even realized he was there or what I was doing. I know now I should have explained, but I was so stunned by what had happened, I couldn't think of what to say. Later, I did tell them about my car prayers.

I had become so used to getting in the car and buckling my seatbelt and then starting to pray on my drive to school that one day it became a natural part of getting in the car. I don't travel as much since I graduated, but I still pray in the car at times when I'm alone. It is still a place I can be sure that nothing will interrupt me. I've sat in my car, in my garage and prayed. Just because it was a quiet, solitary place I knew nothing would interrupt me.

I suspect that the Muslim never noticed me watching him. His routine was so ingrained that nothing around him made one bit of difference to his behavior. He set about the business of prayer. Everything else just disappeared. I can relate.

What about us? How often do we take time to give our God praise? Are there minutes when we stare into space that we could use to just give him praise for his faithfulness? Do we have long commutes that we can use to spend time talking to God? And more importantly, are we making an impact on those who are watching us?

The man in the airport does his prayer routine five times a day and we make jokes about it. How many times do we give our God praise? How many times should we give praise to our God? Is he not worthy of as much? He's worth even more. David thought so. In Psalms he said, Seven times a day do I praise thee because of thy righteous judgments. Psalm 119:164

Seven times a day! We balk about church once a week. We complain we don't have time to stop for half an hour and talk to God. David was praising his God seven times a day. He was counting. And he was running a kingdom. You're running to the store, the gym, the club. You're running around chasing children. You're ... what are you doing that is so important that you can't stop and give God praise, even once a day?

I want to praise him with my whole heart. That is my goal. I started my 10 Days of Praise a month ago. It was a phrase that ran through my head in the middle of the night. So I did it. It wasn't enough. So, I started 10 More Days of Praise. It still isn't enough. Imagine every professing Christian praising God seven times a day. Imagine every Christian praising God even once a day!

The blog has helped me start a routine of praising God. I already had times when I just stopped and prayed. But face it, do your prayers focus on God or your needs? I don't want to just pray for needs. I want to spend time telling God how much he means to me. How long do you think a marriage will last if all you do is hand your spouse a list of items you think need to be taken care of? Sometimes, try praying without mentioning a single need. Tell God the only thing you want is to spend that time talking about his grace, his mercy, his faithfulness, his majesty. I think you'll be surprised at the outcome.

Lord, you are the air that I breathe. I praise you for the amazing works of your hands. You are the Great I Am, the Rose of Sharon, Lion of Judah. There is none like you and none as worthy of praise as you. I give you all the praise and honor for your sacrifice at Calvary on my behalf. I bless you with praise and desire to draw always closer to you.

How often do you give God praise?