Monday, May 27, 2013

Stormy Wind

There was a brief shower tonight at dusk. I stayed on the patio as long as I could but it grew too dark to read and I could feel the rain coming. I didn't want to leave the patio. For half an hour I watched the sky grow dark and the winds twist and bend the trees and rattle the leaves. And I felt you there. Right there. It occurs to me that I most often do find you in the storms.

I have always loved the storms and tonight it occurred to me that maybe that is why I love them. There is a sense of awe that overwhelms me when I'm in the midst of one. I am pulled into the tempest, at least, I feel as if I am and it is an amazing feeling of freedom. For me, sitting there with it all roaring around me is about the only time I actually feel alive. I've been called insane a few times. 

But every storm I've ever lived through, hurricanes, massive thunderstorms, lightening shows that can strike terror even in me - all fill me with the same sense of awe. I am so caught up in it that I have to forcible remind myself that storms are dangerous. There are times I can remember seeking shelter reluctantly, wanting to watch that power unfold but knowing that there was no wisdom in that.

You're there, right in the middle of it and in my mind, I see you dancing on the storm clouds and laughing with each bolt of lightening and turning your face up to the drenching rain. And I want to do that. I want to dance in the storms, feel the wind swirling around me, tugging at my hair and clothes, to see the lightening searing the sky. I want to be soaked to the bone and still running in the rain.

The power that surrounds you is so amazing and so wonderful that only in the storms can I ever come close to seeing it fully. 

Psalms 148:7-8 Praise the Lord from the earth, ye dragons, and all deeps: Fire, and hail; snow, and vapours; stormy wind fulfilling his word:

After the storm I'm always left with a longing to see it again.

Saturday, May 11, 2013

Unto the King Eternal

When starting such a blog you'd think the author would have a plan and an idea of what they are going to do. I didn't. A few times I've reasoned that it was a bad idea and that without a plan it was likely to fizzle out or fall flat. I think I mentioned in my first post that there probably would not be an every day post. There hasn't been. Not because I don't want to, but I have no clue what I'm doing.

The only purpose here is my overwhelming desire to simply praise God for all the blessings he has bestowed on me and for the constant care that I have received at his hands.   

Many, O Lord my God, are Your wonderful works
Which You have done;
And Your thoughts toward us
Cannot be recounted to You in order;
If I would declare and speak of them,
They are more than can be numbered. Psalms 40:5

I do not understand unbelief. I cannot grasp it. There is this vast universe out there filled to overflowing with the astounding handiwork of God and it defies logic that it just appeared out of nowhere for no reason by accidental chemical reactions. To me it is the same as saying that you were just a chemical reaction and have no value or purpose. You are nothing more than the sum of your atoms with no point to your existence. I do not believe that.

I will praise You, 
for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; 
Marvelous are Your works, 
And that my soul knows very well. 
Psalms 139:14

Earlier today I happened to read over my previous post. When I wrote that post I had no idea what it meant. I actually remember feeling very stupid writing it and considered deleting it because it seemed totally silly and pointless. Still, I've learned as a writer there are times you just write it and forget how it sounds.

Then, today when I reread the post an amusing thing occurred -- I was overwhelmed by it. Really. That post that I thought so stupid stopped me in my tracks. I was in a place where I needed to hear that voice in my heart again and the words I wrote had a greater impact today than they did the day I posted them. 

"Again I will build you, and you shall be rebuilt, O virgin of Israel! 
You shall again be adorned with your tambourines, 
And shall go forth in the dances of those who rejoice." 
Jeremiah 31:4

I reread it and my heart skipped a beat as I saw the promise. I miss them most of the time or I forget them. I'm not sure which. But today... today I was physically reminded. I needed to be reminded. 

One of my favorite verses is in Lamentations. Really. The name of the book means a loud mourning, regret, sorry. Not a joyous book but my one of my most favorite chapters is found in this book. For me, Jeremiah's lament contains some of the most beautiful and comforting words found in the Bible. 

Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed,
Because His compassions fail not.
They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.
“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,
“Therefore I hope in Him!” 
Lamentations 3:22-24

For the Lord will not cast off forever.
Though He causes grief,
Yet He will show compassion
According to the multitude of His mercies.
 For He does not afflict willingly,
Nor grieve the children of men
Lamentations 3:31-33

There are times I forget to praise you, Lord. Times, when things are so dark and dismal that I feel you have left me alone to bear it. There are moments when I'm so frightened and feel as if the place I'm in is shrinking and I'm going to be crushed like a can in a vacuum. There are times, when the grief of all I have lost rushes back at me and I am overtaken and buried beneath it. I forget to praise you because I can't speak past my tears. 

The waters flowed over my head;
I said, “I am cut off!”
I called on Your name, O Lord,
From the lowest pit.
You have heard my voice:
“Do not hide Your ear
From my sighing, from my cry for help.”
You drew near on the day I called on You,
And said, “Do not fear!”
Lamentations 3:54-57

I forget to praise you because I forget who you are. I forget who I am.

O Lord, You have searched me and known me.
You know my sitting down and my rising up;
You understand my thought afar off.
You comprehend my path and my lying down,
And are acquainted with all my ways.
For there is not a word on my tongue,
But behold, O Lord, You know it altogether.
You have hedged me behind and before,
And laid Your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
It is high, I cannot attain it.
Psalms 139:1-6

Now unto the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only wise God, 
be honour and glory for ever and ever. 
Timothy 1:17

Monday, May 6, 2013

Building Bridges

I will praise You, O Lord, with my whole heart; I will tell of all Your marvelous works. Psalms 9:1

Thank you.

I don't think I do that enough, you know?

Actually, yes, I do. 

Can I ask a question?


Do you ever feel when you tell people something important that they don't hear a word you say?




Um, anyone there?

I'm thinking.

Should I rephrase it?

No, no. I understood you. I'm trying to be tactful.

You don't have to be tactful. I never am.

Yes, I've heard about that.

Seriously, do you ever feel like people just don't hear you? You try and help and all you get is a look, as if you'd suddenly sprouted a third eye.

At least you get a look. 


Sometimes I get an argument. I actually prefer the argument.


It means they heard me. And it means they're thinking about it. Argument is way better than just a look. Most of the time, I don't get much of a response. I'm tempted on occasion to resort to theatrics just to see if they're breathing.


You know, lightening bolts and earthquakes.


Yes. But the earthquakes tend to be attributed to tectonic activity and the lightening to static electricity, both of which I created, by the way. So I don't bother much.

But you keep talking.

Of course. Don't you open the door when your children knock on the door.

They have a key.

So do mine.

I'm sorry I haven't listened very much. I spend a lot of time focusing on the negative.

I'm sorry, too. But you try hard, even when you mess up, you get back up and try again. that's a good thing. Although, I really wish you'd take my hand more often. We've been through too much to just throw it all away. Just keep walking along this road and you'll make it.

I want so much more that this. I don't quite know what or how. I don't really know what lies ahead. I hate that. And it seems like every time I start down this road I hit a chasm I can't cross and have to turn back.

Hmmm, well... instead of turning around, why don't you build a bridge.




Anyone there?

I'm thinking.


"Unless the Lord builds the house, They labor in vain who build it;" Psalms 127:1

Let me know how it turns out. Oh, here's a hammer. "Again I will build you, and you shall be rebuilt, O virgin of Israel! You shall again be adorned with your tambourines, And shall go forth in the dances of those who rejoice." Jeremiah 31:4