Friday, March 14, 2008
I'm not sure where all my drive went. Perhaps it drove off and left me. The faint of heart need read no further. I am absolutely certain there is something in here to offend everyone. I believe in equal opportunity annoyance.
It has been an absolutely crazy week that started off with a Monday and got steadily worse. The one bright spot was that my boss let me leave an hour early today. The week was so dreadful that, on my way home, I was wondering what that gift of an hour was going to cost me in the long run. Very negative of me, I know, but that is the kind of week it was.
I was told this week that I have a harsh tone but that I do hold people accountable for their actions. My response was, "It is what it is." If the rule says, "Don't" then you don't. If it says, "Do" then you do. As Yoda said, "There is no try. There is only do." Now how hard is that!
I've been thinking about it and remembering the quiet, southern girl who smiled a lot and grew up around very dedicated Christian people who laughed a lot and loved everyone. Where's the girl who was friendly to stranges around the world? I wondered when I got so very hard. I can guess but let's just say the last 15 years have been my own personal hell and has given me a hard outer coating, kind of like an M&M but less sweet. Who I "was" is trapped somewhere inside. The continual irritants I face daily have created the hard shell as a means to protect the inner heart, mind and soul of me.
See, I am sick to my core of the poison oozed by some people. I am disgusted by rude behavior. I have no tolerance for social ignoramouses, ingrates, and ignorant leaches who suck the life out of those extending an hand to help them. I am more than annoyed by whiners who do nothing to help themselves and inflict their misery on everyone they come in contact with so that a hand will be extended which they can then suck on to refresh their energy to whine a little more.
Sometimes, I'm not surprised by all the calamity that befalls the planet. We are a worthless lot bent on our own destruction in an effort to satisfy our insatiable lust for pleasure. And we don't care who we have to walk over to get it.
I am certain that my opinion comes, partly, from the fact that I work in a job where I see rules broken every single day. I hear one lie after another, told in an effort to steal from taxpayers who work extremely hard for their dollar, of whom I am one. I see political appointments and hires that make one wonder what were they thinking!
And it also comes partly from a planet where all the above people live! I am sick of criticism of the decisions every person in authority makes, no matter what party they represent. THEY'RE ELECTED, people, if you don't like them, maybe we can get a dictator next time? Don't worry, that's coming.... sooner than you think.
I am disgusted with amoral leaders who lie to their constituents or expect those of us with slightly higher standards to excuse or "forgive" their getting caught with their pants down. And I am doubly sick of media who milk misfortunes for everything they are worth and then rehash the destruction for days on end. They are like vultures picking the bones of thed dead.
I realized that I have conformed in a way to my surroundings. I have transformed into a person who despises a lot of people because there is no integrity, no truth, no honor and precious little dignity. I speak without sympathy to people who lie to my face and they know I know they are lying but am powerless to stop them. I am disgusted because there are those who think they are deserving of respect simply because of their religion, their sex, or their color and yet they are disrespectful to every person, every ethic, and every value they encounter but deny me the right to respond. I mistrust a lot of people simple because the majority of those I am in contact with and read about and see on television are little more than theives. It is a sad state of affairs and one for which I have relized there is absolutely no cure. And I despise that fact most of all.
We are standing at the brink of a great catastrophy for which we will not find a solution. We seek the answers in the "goodness of mankind", who has shown time and again that there is no goodness in us. We pontificate with pat answers. We write books about god being us, we have power, we are our own salvation. And those are the ones who would have organized religion destroyed because they disagree with their philosophies.
Then those, such as I, who believe in a single deity we call God, are mocked and ridiculed and accused of starting every war in history but we are also usually the first burned at the stake! Or we go out and start a war in God's name! No religion is sacred and only one is true and it depends on who you ask because there are no longer any sacred text unless they appear on Oprah!
And we continue to spiral out of control.
Am I the only person who sees things getting worse rather than better? The environment is a mess, energy cost are skyrocketing, prices are skyrocketing, diseases are becoming untreatable, new strains of bacteria are resistant to treatment, people are nastier than ever and have no tolerance for one another. Perverts are growing faster than weeds. There are wars and rumors of wars. There is hatred, malice, perversions, strife, etc.
Chaos, folks, is in charge. And he is Hell on wheels.
When you see these things come to pass you will know the end is near....