Me & Jesus

 I love this meme. I don't particularly think anyone has talked about me, don't actually care. It would be the most interesting conversation they'll have in a year. But I've learned some things this last year and this reminded me. 

People don't want to have a conversation with you to see what is happening in your life. They don't want to know how YOU are or if there is anything wrong. Really. Watch their eyes glaze over if you say anything other than "fine". But they're quick to find fault if something comes out where you're in trouble, sick, or broke. "Well, she or he must have done something wrong to cause all that. God is after them." 

Yep, He sure is. He's spent the last year keeping my head just above water cause the devil harassed me on every front for a YEAR. If he had his way, I’d be homeless, walking, and no food. I mean every single front. My house, my car, my finances, my family, my health, and my peace of mind. My sanity! 

Well, you know, "We all got problems." 

Why, yes, we do! Please tell me yours so I can pray for you. I sincerely want to hear and pray for you. And if I can help you with anything, you call me, email me, text me, send a carrier pigeon. If I can't help you, I'll do my best to help you find help. I know how to do that! If I can’t do anything else, I’ll hold your hand and walk with you.

But you know what? No one said that to me. And I mentioned what I was dealing with to people. (See paragraph two.) Not ONE. Except a dozen Facebook contacts. Some of whom haven't even met me and some family. Thank God for everyone of you who did something, even if was just a message to say you were praying! I believe in prayer, but it is an extra blessing when people hear, acknowledge, and act.

I texted a virtual stranger the other day; he was a guy who cut my yard for two years when the mower died. I only saw him once every two weeks as he flew by on the mower and chatting when I paid him. He cut me a deal on the yard. I sent a text that said, “I need someone who does handy man work.” The yard man sent me a contact. I found the yard guy from a writing friend because I had a broken down mower and he sent me the details. These folks have become real friends. I have no idea how much the handyman repairs I need will cost. I’ll worry about it later.

That’s just minor problems. But starting October 2023, I had covid for the third time and was sick three months, thru Christmas. The freezer went out. I’d previously lost two freezers of food because of a faulty circuit. It’s fixed now, and I didn’t lose food, but it cost the earth. The same week, the car broke down. That cost more. Two weeks later, it broke down again. All in October and November. In one month, I spent my entire income. All of it. And no, that wasn’t the end. There were plumbing problems after New Year. And the water and light bill went up again. Groceries went up. Gas went up. 

But you know something? I've survived all of it. Because the Almighty has kept me from drowning. Even when I asked Him to let me drown. Sometimes drowning is easier. He scraped up a handful of people I didn’t know well, some family who love me, and a precious new friend who needed help as well. She needed a place to stay, and I needed a boarder. It was miraculous. It’s both a pleasure to have her here and a blessing to have the help. And then Sarah came home. 

I’ve sat here in this house feeling so unloved. And so defeated. All my life, I had people around me I could go to or resources. I worked, took care of myself, supported a second household. I’ve been faithful in paying my tithes. Yeah, you can talk about that if you want to. Suddenly, there was NO money and no friends. If I had not had a credit card, I would have been in trouble. But I owed people. And borrowed money must also be repaid. The Bible says owe no man. I owe a bunch of them. And now I could add God to the list. I was in a very bad place in every conceivable way. And alone. No one knew because no one asked. 

I realized that I’d have to just do the best with the debts I owed to men. And the debt to God? That is far greater than my pittance. It is what it is. I didn’t ask for the circumstances. I sure didn’t ask for the problems. God is very aware of my bank balance. Every dime is His, the land I live on is his, the car I drive is his. I am his. If he wants anything I have, he can just withdraw it. I’m good with that. Really. This is not my home. This is a residence. 

This month, a small light shone on my little scrap of land. No, it isn’t all fixed. I got a call from out of town. Someone paid the house payment for one month! That one thing shifted things. For a minute, I thought everything would be fine. It’s gonna take more than a minute. But that one minute … it’s gold.

Then, today, while I sat here beating myself up, grieving over money, I decided to write it all down. To pour out the poison, that is one more trick in a long list from the enemy. So, I don’t have a problem. I’m broke. I don’t have trouble. I am doing something right or the devil wouldn’t be bothering me so much. I got broke stuff. It all belongs to Jesus so he’ll have to fix it.

And I’ve decided since I survived death, I will survive this, too. And I’ll do it alone. Just me and Jesus. Or with the people who hold out their hands filled with friendship, love, and prayer.