Why Worry?

 I've been trying to get through a Bible study on YouVersion called "Why Worry?". While I was doing today's lesson, I realized something that startled me.

I am not worried. Anyone who knows me will think I'm lying or delusional. And yet, it's true. The study described worry, and I didn't have that. 

Things I don't worry about. 

• So, I have paid my bills and will pay them. 
• I'm in pain. Some days it is mild, other days it is unbearable and I cry a lot. I don't worry. I hurt.
• Mike's situation is beyond my control. I'm concerned for him, but I can't fix it, and I know it. He will get surgery and may get better or not. Worry isn't an issue. It is what it is. I'm going to be unhappy or I'll be happy. But for now it doesn't exist.
• I can take care of myself despite pain and multiple medical issues. And I care for the needs of several other people. None of that worries me. I always seem to have the ability to do that, so I just do what I have to do. 
• Today is my only obstacle. I'm not worried about getting through today. Either I will or I won't, and neither matters. It's do or die. 

What I have is anger and frustration, and I'm not happy. I don't worry about those things because they actually exist. They're real. I'd be worried if I thought it would help. It won't. 

So here is the list of things I could be worried about, but actually don't care enough about them to be worried.

• I'm not happy or content.
• I'm disorganized and frustrated by it. I've never been disorganized.
• I miss my life as it was before death cheated me. 
• I miss my granddaughter. She's too busy for me now. One day she will not be but I'm not worried by it. I'm sorry for her and disappointed in her.
• I miss my family. The road runs both ways, and they've made choices. I spent years driving a whole day to see people. I am not worried about it. I am disappointed, but I'll get over it. I have to get through today's obstacles and don't have enough time left to worry about other people's shortcomings. 
• I have wants but no needs. I was promised only that my needs would be met. They are. I am not worried about the wants. I could be disappointed, but whatever.  

So:  Rage -yes. Fury - yes. Disappointment - yes. Grief - yes. Pain - yes. 

Worry? Not so much. 

Life is an immense disappointment. We're led to believe it gets better, but it doesn't. It's painful and a thief. Most of the time you will not get what you expect or want. 

There will always be disappointment and grief. That's not worry. They won't kill you; worry will. Recognize the difference between worry and the rest of it. It's about letting things go. If you're nagging it, it's worry. If you're experiencing sadness or disappointment, probably not worry but certainly not fun. Cry and move on.

Death will visit you multiple times to remind you he's coming for you. Don't be afraid of him. He has nothing else to do, and real life begins after he's done with you. He has to repeat his job every moment of every day until one day he dies, too. That's a wasted existence. Don't follow his lead.

You don't have any choices in your life other than picking which road to follow. Your life is already mapped out, and the road you choose will determine the end. You can't change any road you choose. You just have to keep walking. Things will happen. Try to prevent bad things, but refuse to be surprised when you can't. 

There is no tomorrow because it doesn't exist yet. You will create it if you wake up in the morning. Then it will be just another today to get through. Do something different and hope for a different outcome. That's probably another definition of insanity. Enjoy it. It may be the only time you can feel in control. 

You're not in control. Ever.

God is in control. He is sovereign. You can't control him either.

Worry: To feel uneasy or concerned about something; to be troubled. Synonym: brood.

When the Battle is Over

 I ran away from home last night. I've had to do that before, and in the last eight months I've had to do it a lot. The only thing I can tell you is that the inclination to run was so strong that I thought I'd scream. So, I got in my car and drove away. Unfortunately, escape is not simple. In fact, you can't escape. I think that is the trigger for anxiety. It seems to be mine.

The last eight months: Two months of family crisis resulted in exhaustion, leading to a flare lasting months. A medication change that altered my mental and emotional state- numbing pain but creating mental chaos. Constant pain in my legs and back, not touched by medication since October. Very poor sleep. I had frenetic writing episodes that would last up to eight hours a day for three months. And anxiety attacks. All of it has affected my personal interactions with people, so changing churches and meeting new people was another trigger for chaos. 

I needed a cell but had an arena.

So, I ran away last night. Like Elijah, I had to get food into me since it had been hours since I had eaten. Hardee's is close, and they have small chicken wraps that are cheap and good. Protein is good when the body is under stress, something I keep forgetting. 

After I ate, I sat in my car and broke. Into a lot of pieces. Put on music, cried, and asked Jesus to please just sit next to me and hold my hand. I didn't know what else to do. I was at the end of a long road, all by myself. He'd already taken every person I would have called. No one was going to come rescue me from myself. 

And that's what I told him. 

I'm tired of the mental, physical, and emotional chaos, of the pain. I told him how exhausted I am with just being here and that I don't want to be here anymore. 

And it's all true. I've never been this tired, this alone. And I've never wanted to leave this much. 

Don't worry. I'll be fine. I was once told I'm a fighter. It'll keep you going even when you should stop. It will keep you up at night looking for the best way to handle what's coming at you. 

Hell knows you're a fighter, too. It makes you a target for every imaginable and unimaginable thing it can throw at you, physically, mentally, and spiritually. Sometimes, all at once. It wants to stop you. 

 It starts with minor battles. When you survive those, the battles get harder, larger, and inflict more damage. You're going to bleed. You're going to hurt. You're going to want to die. 

If you survive, eventually there will be bodies on the field. You'll lose so many people that the pain will almost destroy you. You'll see them fall, and you'll feel the loss in every cell. But you won't be able to stop fighting. Because a fighter never stops until the battle is over. 

There will always be that one battle where you want to quit, to lie down and stop the pain. The one where you're the only one standing in a field of destruction. But you can't stop fighting. The end is just beyond your ability to see, and the end is what you're fighting to reach. To a fighter, there's something at the end that will fix it all. 

I don't know how many more battles I can fight. I'm kneeling in a field of bodies, bleeding from wounds that no longer heal. And just over that hill right there are hordes heading this way. 

However, I'll get on my feet, pull whatever weapons I still possess close and keep moving. Everyone is gone. And I'm still hoping there's something at the end that will fix everything. 

I hope it isn't very far. I'm tired.

Raveled Sleave of Care

 You met her, didn't you?

It was an unpleasant experience. She just took over. Totally wrecked me. I'm tired, but I don't think I'll sleep. 

Lie down. Close your eyes and think on these things. 

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. Phillipians 4:8

I am not there. I'm not there. 

I know. But you still have to think on these things. 

You'll have to draw me a map today. I don't know where any of that is. Planet Earth. That's where I am. I don't know if you'll find any of that here. 

I didn't say you had to find them. They are already done. You just have to think about them. 

I ... would it be wrong to say I don't want to look anymore? 

It would be pretty stupid. You're not generally stupid.

I'm in so much pain right now that I am not capable of seeing anything beyond my nose. It's dark where I am. You know I am so messed up. Right? You know this. 

I am all the light you need. 

I'm just going to be honest here. I am in a dark place. No light visible. I know. Sounds disrespectful. That screaming woman? The one I said was behind me? Not anymore. She's in me. She is me. I'm her. 

........

Nothing? 

When you're ready. Go get some sleep.

You know Shakespeare?

I taught him everything he knew.

Right. I had to look it up to remember it all. "Sleep that knits up the raveled sleave of care". From Macbeth. The sleave was a skein of yarn. I've dealt with those, and it isn't that easy either. But OK, I'll go. 

A Waiting Game

It's been a rough month. You're thinking, "When is it not for you?" I complain a lot and whine a lot and ... well, cry a lot. I've come so far since Covid. Most of it's downhill. It's very frustrating. I had signed up at the gym, lost 20 lbs and was feeling stronger when 2019 ended. 

I caught Covid in October 2020 and from then on, I haven't been able to get my feet back under me. I tried to keep going to the gym, but I caught Covid again in 2021 and in 2022. They were less severe each time, but I was still pretty sick.

The last year I didn't put in much effort. Managing pain was a priority. So was reading my Bible and praying more often. I made plans to do several writing assignments. Everything fell apart. 

Somewhere in 2024, my finances collapsed, and I was floundering to get from one month to the next dealing with home repairs and auto repairs and medical issues. And just paying the bills was scary. I have to tell you I was at the end of my rope. When Amanda moved in it relieved some of the pressure. Last year would have been impossible without her support. She required lodging; I required funds; thus, I took a boarder—something I'd not previously envisioned. It has worked so well and she's a great house mate.  

Other cost-saving measures provided relief; thankfully, God is mindful of our needs. He is always faithful, even when we falter. 

I feel like I'm in a stagnant place; not moving forward or backward. Just stuck. Maybe the best thing to do is pull up a stool and sit down. Sometimes all you can do is wait. I have nowhere to go, so ... I'll wait.

Me & Jesus

 I love this meme. I don't particularly think anyone has talked about me, don't actually care. It would be the most interesting conversation they'll have in a year. But I've learned some things this last year and this reminded me. 

People don't want to have a conversation with you to see what is happening in your life. They don't want to know how YOU are or if there is anything wrong. Really. Watch their eyes glaze over if you say anything other than "fine". But they're quick to find fault if something comes out where you're in trouble, sick, or broke. "Well, she or he must have done something wrong to cause all that. God is after them." 

Yep, He sure is. He's spent the last year keeping my head just above water cause the devil harassed me on every front for a YEAR. If he had his way, I’d be homeless, walking, and no food. I mean every single front. My house, my car, my finances, my family, my health, and my peace of mind. My sanity! 

Well, you know, "We all got problems." 

Why, yes, we do! Please tell me yours so I can pray for you. I sincerely want to hear and pray for you. And if I can help you with anything, you call me, email me, text me, send a carrier pigeon. If I can't help you, I'll do my best to help you find help. I know how to do that! If I can’t do anything else, I’ll hold your hand and walk with you.

But you know what? No one said that to me. And I mentioned what I was dealing with to people. (See paragraph two.) Not ONE. Except a dozen Facebook contacts. Some of whom haven't even met me and some family. Thank God for everyone of you who did something, even if was just a message to say you were praying! I believe in prayer, but it is an extra blessing when people hear, acknowledge, and act.

I texted a virtual stranger the other day; he was a guy who cut my yard for two years when the mower died. I only saw him once every two weeks as he flew by on the mower and chatting when I paid him. He cut me a deal on the yard. I sent a text that said, “I need someone who does handy man work.” The yard man sent me a contact. I found the yard guy from a writing friend because I had a broken down mower and he sent me the details. These folks have become real friends. I have no idea how much the handyman repairs I need will cost. I’ll worry about it later.

That’s just minor problems. But starting October 2023, I had covid for the third time and was sick three months, thru Christmas. The freezer went out. I’d previously lost two freezers of food because of a faulty circuit. It’s fixed now, and I didn’t lose food, but it cost the earth. The same week, the car broke down. That cost more. Two weeks later, it broke down again. All in October and November. In one month, I spent my entire income. All of it. And no, that wasn’t the end. There were plumbing problems after New Year. And the water and light bill went up again. Groceries went up. Gas went up. 

But you know something? I've survived all of it. Because the Almighty has kept me from drowning. Even when I asked Him to let me drown. Sometimes drowning is easier. He scraped up a handful of people I didn’t know well, some family who love me, and a precious new friend who needed help as well. She needed a place to stay, and I needed a boarder. It was miraculous. It’s both a pleasure to have her here and a blessing to have the help. And then Sarah came home. 

I’ve sat here in this house feeling so unloved. And so defeated. All my life, I had people around me I could go to or resources. I worked, took care of myself, supported a second household. I’ve been faithful in paying my tithes. Yeah, you can talk about that if you want to. Suddenly, there was NO money and no friends. If I had not had a credit card, I would have been in trouble. But I owed people. And borrowed money must also be repaid. The Bible says owe no man. I owe a bunch of them. And now I could add God to the list. I was in a very bad place in every conceivable way. And alone. No one knew because no one asked. 

I realized that I’d have to just do the best with the debts I owed to men. And the debt to God? That is far greater than my pittance. It is what it is. I didn’t ask for the circumstances. I sure didn’t ask for the problems. God is very aware of my bank balance. Every dime is His, the land I live on is his, the car I drive is his. I am his. If he wants anything I have, he can just withdraw it. I’m good with that. Really. This is not my home. This is a residence. 

This month, a small light shone on my little scrap of land. No, it isn’t all fixed. I got a call from out of town. Someone paid the house payment for one month! That one thing shifted things. For a minute, I thought everything would be fine. It’s gonna take more than a minute. But that one minute … it’s gold.

Then, today, while I sat here beating myself up, grieving over money, I decided to write it all down. To pour out the poison, that is one more trick in a long list from the enemy. So, I don’t have a problem. I’m broke. I don’t have trouble. I am doing something right or the devil wouldn’t be bothering me so much. I got broke stuff. It all belongs to Jesus so he’ll have to fix it.

And I’ve decided since I survived death, I will survive this, too. And I’ll do it alone. Just me and Jesus. Or with the people who hold out their hands filled with friendship, love, and prayer. 

A Croaker Sack of Super Power

 

You know, there is nothing quite like the feeling of worthlessness. It wears like a croaker sack. For the uninitiated, that is a burlap sack. It got its name because folks down south who gigged for frogs would put their catch in the burlap sack; thus, the name croaker sack. When I found that nugget, I thought it hilarious. Doubly so, since I'm a southerner and I never heard the definition of the name. Well, my family didn't eat frogs so, there is that. 

You were talking about worthlessness . . . 

I was. But don't you think that's an interesting tidbit? 

Decidedly. 

Yes, I feel totally worthless. I do nothing, contribute nothing, don't rank on any scale at all. I'm very smart, very talented, and really very nice. Just worthless. 

What are you talking about? 

Uh, I thought we cleared that up?

You've been a very productive person all your life. Had you not been, people would have struggled to get by. Some would have been destitute.

Got that right. Once I went to work, everyone had their hands out. 

{sigh} How can I get you to see past all that? 

I thought the whole point of suffering was to make us better people.

No, no, no. Suffering results from your fallen nature. 

What did I ever do to deserve all this? Wait, I'm not perfect, but I certainly did nothing so bad that I should be constantly trying to survive the onslaught I seem to attract.

Neither did I.

Right. But I'm not God. I understand what happened to you. That was a power struggle, and you won. I understand the horror in a limited human way. But thankfully you won. 

You don't think you're in a power struggle?

What power? I have no power. I can't change a thing. I can't fix a thing. In fact, the only thing I seem to be successful at is screwing up things. And that isn't something anyone wants.

Remember what Paul said in Ephesians 6:12?

Yes. "For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places." Yes, I've very aware of those powers. But no one ever believes me when I tell them there is a problem involving those powers. So...

You can't really control what people think or do. 

Hello? Isn't that what I said? No. Power. See, I'm worthless. Useless. Same thing. Can't fix the problem. Who needs me? NO ONE. 

We're going to agree to disagree on this for now. Eventually, I am sure you'll understand.

I know. Once we all get to heaven, we'll have all our questions answered. Great. So I have to die to get an answer. Wow.

You know that isn't what I meant.

No, I don't know. I'm so confused by all that is going on around me. I'm broken in ways I can't begin to explain. And so weary of it. I spend hours having this conversation. I'm struggling to tread water. 

Just take off the croaker sack. Put on the garment of praise. 

...

Did you roll your eyes? Surely not.

No. I already wear the praise shirt more than I ever have in my life. Then the real world comes barging in and I get knocked down. And before you say it, yes, I get back up. But you know something, we humans get tired eventually. There is a point where you can't get up. You can't lift your head, never mind your hands. You reach a place where lying there is easier than moving. 

........

Sorry, I don't have the answer. 

Endurance.

What? 

Endurance. You have endurance. You have fortitude. 

If you say I'm strong, I will not talk to you the rest of the day. 

You're not strong. You have endurance. 

I'm tired. So, so, so tired.

I know. And yet, you hang on. That's endurance. And that, my friend, is far better than simple strength. That's a superpower.

I am a croaker sack of super power.

Sure. If you want to say that. Personally, I think that's probably more uncomfortable than fig leaves. Change your shirt.

#ConversationsWithHim

Finding Faith

 

A few weeks ago, I appeared to be in the middle of a crisis. I didn’t know what was wrong with me, but a terrible depression enveloped me like locusts. Despite sleeping for 10 hours a day, I was exhausted and couldn’t think well. I woke up tired and went to bed tired. Naps lasted 2 to 4 hours, and I still went to bed tired. Keeping my laundry clean and changing the sheets became insurmountable efforts. Becca came and helped clean the cat boxes and floors. I don’t know what I’d do without her sometimes. An ex-daughter-in-law who does things like that for you is a rare treasure. She owes me nothing, yet she helps when needed.

There were a lot of things going on in my life at the time and since Jerry died, I don’t cope well. I’m sorry if you think you get over it, but the trauma of seeing someone die the way he did doesn’t go away… ever. Stresses, of any sort, just about slay me. Believe me when I say that is not who I was prior to January 2009. 

However, I suspected the problem had a physical source. The spiritual realm saw it as an opportunity to jump on me with both metaphysical feet. When this happens, it is nightmarish. It is a dark, lonely road and I am alone. No, really. Alone.

Yes, I prayed. I had long, rambling conversations with God about all my troubles. I ranted. He listened. I read my Bible, looking for answers. Found nothing helpful. I asked questions he didn’t answer. I cried and cried and cried. For days, I’d find myself just torn in pieces. 

Despite what they tell you, you do not find solutions to every problem in the Bible. I’m sorry to disillusion anyone. They’re not all there. What you find are ways to cope with the unanswerable questions. You find direction in how to navigate a world where some problems aren’t ever solved and never will be solved. 

One evening, I addressed the subject of faith. Sometimes I feel stupid talking to someone who isn’t visible. I only do that at home… usually. I have done it in my car and once a passenger asked me about it.

Anyway, I reached a place where I was so frustrated. I said, “I don’t even know what faith is! I can’t say that to anyone because they’d quote Hebrews 1:11 ‘Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.’”

“What does that even mean? It makes no sense and is confusing. There is no substance of something you hope for. They don’t exist except in the mind! Something not seen has no form.”

I’m sure I didn’t word it exactly that way, but that was the basic content of my rant. Hear me, God doesn’t mind your rants. God understands them. Jesus ranted in the temple. He used a whip on them. So, he gets rants. Believe it or not, he responds to them nicely. He remains silent and lets you get it out of your system. 

My only option at this point was to open my Bible and show him what I was talking about. (Cause he must not have read that verse, of course.) I explained I didn’t know what it was and didn’t understand it and that I must be a terrible person and going to hell because maybe I didn’t have any faith at all and without faith it is impossible to please Him………. 

I can’t say how long my rant lasted. I was hurting, so it probably wasn't long. My heart hurt and I had a weary mind and a troubled soul. My body was feeling the effects of those locust feet. Still crying, I decided the best I could do was just go to bed. 

I’ve started reading a section of Psalms over the last few months. Prayer in dark places is difficult, and I found it impossible to find words to pray that didn’t sound self serving and repetitive to me. David did a better job of praying than I could ever hope to emulate. I dried my tears and read.

The passage I read was Psalms 119:33-50. You should read it. 

    33. HE. Teach me, O LORD, the way of thy statutes; and I shall keep it unto the end.

    34. Give me understanding, and I shall keep thy law; yea, I shall observe it with my whole heart.

    35. Make me to go in the path of thy commandments; for therein do I delight.

    36. Incline my heart unto thy testimonies, and not to covetousness.

    37. Turn away mine eyes from beholding vanity; and quicken thou me in thy way.

    38. Stablish thy word unto thy servant, who is devoted to thy fear.

    39. Turn away my reproach which I fear: for thy judgments are good.

    40. Behold, I have longed after thy precepts: quicken me in thy righteousness.

    41. VAU. Let thy mercies come also unto me, O LORD, even thy salvation, according to thy word.

    42. So shall I have wherewith to answer him that reproacheth me: for I trust in thy word.

    43. And take not the word of truth utterly out of my mouth; for I have hoped in thy judgments.

    44. So shall I keep thy law continually for ever and ever.

    45. And I will walk at liberty: for I seek thy precepts.

    46. I will speak of thy testimonies also before kings, and will not be ashamed.

    47. And I will delight myself in thy commandments, which I have loved.

    48. My hands also will I lift up unto thy commandments, which I have loved; and I will meditate in thy statutes.

    49. ZAIN. Remember the word unto thy servant, upon which thou hast caused me to hope.

    50. This is my comfort in my affliction: for thy word hath quickened me.

There are following parts of of Psalms 119 I also read sometimes, but this is basically my bedtime prayer. And this night I read this section. And was smacked between the eyes. 

“Remember the word unto thy servant, upon which thou hast caused me to hope.”

I stumbled over that and cried again. I looked further back into the passage. “... for I trust in thy word”

Remember the word to your servant, which you caused me to hope in and in which I trust.

Faith. Faith is the substance of things hoped for. Remember your word that caused me to hope. I trust your Word. This is my comfort in my affliction! You gave me your word, made me hope in your word. And I trust your Word. 

I don't believe I need to say anything else. You get it.

Hello?

"Hello?"

.......

"Hello? Is there anyone there?"

....

"HELLO!"

"No need to shout. I hear you."

"Didn't feel like it."

"Oh, feelings. Well, you know what they say about them."

"Uh, no."

"It's just one after another. Here one minute and something else the next."

"I don't think anyone says that."

"I just did."

"I'm not feeling amused tonight."

"Do you ever?"

{sigh}

"Hmmmm."

I'm really trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do now. I'm really just so tired of everything."

"You were lifting over 40 pounds at the gym for half an hour today. And you rode a bike going nowhere for 6 miles. You should be tired."

"Not that kind of tired."

"Hummm."

"Is it wrong to want to just stop?"

"Depends."

"Can we not be cryptic today? I really need help. I need plain talk. Real advice."

"Well, you know, I authored this amazing self-help book. Best seller, too."

{eye-roll followed by sigh}

"Did you just roll your eyes?"

"Maybe. A little."

"Hmmm."

"I've read that book. I read it daily. I really need to talk to you. Or rather, I need you to talk to me. Really talk to me."

"We talk all the time."

"No. I talk all the time. Long painful dialogue followed by silence."

"You're not listening."

..............................................................

"Are you all right?"

"If I was all right, I wouldn't be blogging an imaginary conversation with you."

"Are you angry with me?"

"I'm angry, yes."

"At whom?"

"Me. Just me. I can't figure out how to just walk away. I don't want to care anymore."

"Ooo, difficult."

"That's it? That's all you have to say?"

"Pretty much."

...................................................................................................................

"Doesn't help much, does it?"

"Why can't you just help me? Why can't you fix things I can't fix?"

"Well, I could..."    

"Then DO IT!"

"You didn't let me finish. I could, but then you wouldn't develop properly. Your growth would be stunted. It would impair your ability to discern things. You must learn to stand on your own feet."

"I think I can manage that at this point. It is the rest I have trouble with. I'm not talking about me!"

"I know this. There are several others you have worn yourself out worrying about and you need to put that down."

"I can't do that."

"Then you'll be crushed beneath a load you need not bear. And you need to stop trying to fix things in the past. They're done. You can't change it." 

"I have to fix things."

"No, you don't. You can't."

"What do I do?"

"I just told you."

..........................

"You're not listening."

#ConversationsWithHim

Unfinished

 They just keep rolling in, you know?

It's just clouds. 

No. It isn't just clouds. It's stuff. So much stuff and I'm so weary of stuff.

There's sunshine beyond those dark clouds. 

Why can't I see that?

Sometimes you need clouds to shelter you from the harshness of the sun. The rain cleanses you.

What about the weight of those? The rain, the hail, the wind, the destruction?

The clouds pass and the sunshines again. What about the heat? The searing winds that scorch the life out of the grass? Dry air that blisters the skin? 

............. Why must it always be one or the other? Why isn't there a place in the middle where there's no pain, no grief, no hollowness?

There is. You're not there yet. You just have to keep going. 

I'm so tired. Things I used to think mattered don't anymore. I keep looking at everything and wondering why I still bother with it. You know, I've been working on this rug since January. I can only do a bit at time because of the pain in my hands. I'm 15 rows from being finished. Last night I looked at it and thought about just stopping and forgetting those 15 rows. They'll take days, maybe weeks, if my swollen hands have anything to do with it. I can stop now and it's finished. 

Or you can actually finish it, and it will look as you imagined. You will have completed the pattern. Every time you step on it, it will remind you of how hard you worked, the effort it took, and the joy it brings because you finished it. 

I'm not sure it's worth it anymore. It's just a rug. People will walk on it and never notice it except in passing. It will wear out and I'll toss it. No one will remember it, not even me.

Are we still talking about the same thing?

I don't know what I'm talking about. 

#Conversations With Him