The Rough Roman Road

 I lived in Italy in the very early 1980s. The army stationed us at Camp Darby outside Livorno. That's where you'll find the Leaning Tower.  Yes, I got to climb the tower, and I visited a beautiful church and baptistry there. I even walked some Roman roads. For a month, I stayed in Rome with Leroy and Hazel Gee, missionaries to Rome. 

This week I began reading the Book of Romans. I say this with a touch of pride. Let me explain. Twice in my life, I've read the entire Bible. I entertained the idea of a third reading, however; I elected to concentrate on the substance of the text rather than the number of readings. 

For a long time, I've read either devotionals or some kind of study guide. Honestly, I learn a lot more doing this than wading through a required daily list of chapters. This past month I started reading the letters to the Church. My goal is to pay close attention and grasp a thorough understanding of them. I mean, they're written to Christians. We need to understand them. 

I started with the shortest letters first. One thing I know about myself is that I get bored/tired quickly reading scripture. Bless your heart, if you don't. But let's face it, the book of Numbers is a lot like counting sheep. I began with Jude. It's actually good, so no problem. 

Here is where I'll tell you why I'm proud I began Romans today. I dread reading Romans. I will avoid reading if I can. 

Why? Because Paul was verbose and the KJV translators made amazing strides in translating every single word. Furthermore, they did it in the King's English and a grammatical structure that requires an English PHD to make sense of. The text's complex structure demands multiple readings. 

Look, I have a BA in history and I studied journalism. I graduated with a 3.8 GPA. If I had to guess, I've read close to a million books and the complete works of Shakespeare and several classics!  Shakespeare, for heaven's sake. Have you read Shakespeare? 

I was a few pages into Romans when I pulled out my online Amplified Bible. I've been using it off and on when I ran across something that I wanted a bit more clarity on. I love it, so much so that I'm considering buying one. It has provided tremendous help, and it's a lifesaver in Romans. 

Yesterday I reached the 13th chapter of Romans. I've read this chapter and heard it preached many times. It contains the most favorite passage of ministers everywhere. I will let you look it up and see if you've heard it. Please, please do let me know with a comment!

When I began the chapter, I thought, "Oh, I know what this is. I won't need the Amplified Bible." 

Wrong. I needed it; and I pulled it up. And I'm so glad I did. Because as I read it, I realize that this scripture is not what I made to understand it to mean. I read it twice to be sure I was reading it right. I compared verses. And since I'm using my new Thompson Chain Bible, I read the index at the side of the scriptures. 

The first heading in the side index said "Duty of Government". "Authority of Government" follows this. Next is "Duties of Citizenship". This all covers the first seven verses of the chapter. And then, a light goes off in my head. 

Paul is writing this letter to the church in Rome. They are Roman citizens. I really wanted to beat my head at this realization. I studied Roman history for an entire semester! Stupid! Paul is talking to a group of "Roman Citizens". I should know this! Cindy, what is Rome known for at this period of history regarding government and citizenship? 

I could tell you, but let's use the KISS  method. Here is the excerpt from a Google search: How did Romans feel about citizenship? 

Roman citizenship in Biblical times was highly valued and carried significant legal and social privileges. It was a status that provided protection, rights, and opportunities that non-citizens did not have. (Google AI)

The concept of citizenship was central to Roman identity, and it evolved over time, expanding from a narrow definition focused on the city of Rome to a broader, more inclusive system that incorporated people from across the empire.

This chapter is speaking to Romans about the proper attitude toward their government and how they are to behave in that respect. Verse 7 sums it up nicely. Devoted Roman citizens were to live in accordance with the laws of Rome but as Christians. Paul reinforces teaching on morality and various other topics. But my point for this post is that this chapter is not about church authority. You can get that elsewhere. Romans 13 is to Romans about obedience to government leaders, something Jesus was very clear about as well in Matt. 21:22. 

Can you use this chapter to press home church authority? I guess so. It has been all my life. No one ever said it's about how citizens were to behave themselves to their government and one another. It wasn't taught that this was to Roman citizens who became Christians and had some confusion on whether their Christianity trumped the Caesar. 

Reading these letters this month has taught me a lot about the use and misuse of scripture. I've experienced that issues. Forty years ago, I had a conversation with a minster who asked me about a private matter. I told him I couldn't tell him about that because it was private and I didn't gossip. He told me that he was my head and I had to obey him. I very politely pointed out that my husband was my head. 

He informed me, "Well, I'm his head." 

I said, again politely, "No, the Bible says Christ is his head." 

He said, "Well, I'm the head of the church." 

"No sir," I said, "Christ is the head of the Church." 

His final statement was that I might as well tell him, since the Lord had already told him. 

I responded, "Well, in that case, I don't need to tell you anything. You already know." 

This was a very toxic situation and the only thing that helped me was my knowledge of the Word. He misused the Word to manipulate me into revealing a personal matter. Specifically, the scriptures in Romans and this one in 1 Corinthians,  

1 Corinthians 11:3 But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.

The Bible tells us that Satan is like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. If we're not armed with the Word, which is our sword, we will not survive the attack. The enemy will attempt to deceive us by misusing the Word. The Bible gives us examples of the devil using scripture. He always prepares for an attack. So should we.

We can use every reading plan out there, and there are many, to read the Bible through in any amount of time. They will make you familiar with the Word, but not knowledgeable. After the second read through of the Bible, I was very dissatisfied. I wanted depth. You only find depth by diving into deep water. I want to swim in it. 

I will reach the end of the Roman Road this week, and I'll be glad. It's a rough trip, but I'm enjoying it. But please pray for me. I still have 1st and 2nd Corinthians and Hebrews to finish. I don't know where I'll head then, but I hope the roads are better.

 

Finding Faith

 

A few weeks ago, I appeared to be in the middle of a crisis. I didn’t know what was wrong with me, but a terrible depression enveloped me like locusts. Despite sleeping for 10 hours a day, I was exhausted and couldn’t think well. I woke up tired and went to bed tired. Naps lasted 2 to 4 hours, and I still went to bed tired. Keeping my laundry clean and changing the sheets became insurmountable efforts. Becca came and helped clean the cat boxes and floors. I don’t know what I’d do without her sometimes. An ex-daughter-in-law who does things like that for you is a rare treasure. She owes me nothing, yet she helps when needed.

There were a lot of things going on in my life at the time and since Jerry died, I don’t cope well. I’m sorry if you think you get over it, but the trauma of seeing someone die the way he did doesn’t go away… ever. Stresses, of any sort, just about slay me. Believe me when I say that is not who I was prior to January 2009. 

However, I suspected the problem had a physical source. The spiritual realm saw it as an opportunity to jump on me with both metaphysical feet. When this happens, it is nightmarish. It is a dark, lonely road and I am alone. No, really. Alone.

Yes, I prayed. I had long, rambling conversations with God about all my troubles. I ranted. He listened. I read my Bible, looking for answers. Found nothing helpful. I asked questions he didn’t answer. I cried and cried and cried. For days, I’d find myself just torn in pieces. 

Despite what they tell you, you do not find solutions to every problem in the Bible. I’m sorry to disillusion anyone. They’re not all there. What you find are ways to cope with the unanswerable questions. You find direction in how to navigate a world where some problems aren’t ever solved and never will be solved. 

One evening, I addressed the subject of faith. Sometimes I feel stupid talking to someone who isn’t visible. I only do that at home… usually. I have done it in my car and once a passenger asked me about it.

Anyway, I reached a place where I was so frustrated. I said, “I don’t even know what faith is! I can’t say that to anyone because they’d quote Hebrews 1:11 ‘Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.’”

“What does that even mean? It makes no sense and is confusing. There is no substance of something you hope for. They don’t exist except in the mind! Something not seen has no form.”

I’m sure I didn’t word it exactly that way, but that was the basic content of my rant. Hear me, God doesn’t mind your rants. God understands them. Jesus ranted in the temple. He used a whip on them. So, he gets rants. Believe it or not, he responds to them nicely. He remains silent and lets you get it out of your system. 

My only option at this point was to open my Bible and show him what I was talking about. (Cause he must not have read that verse, of course.) I explained I didn’t know what it was and didn’t understand it and that I must be a terrible person and going to hell because maybe I didn’t have any faith at all and without faith it is impossible to please Him………. 

I can’t say how long my rant lasted. I was hurting, so it probably wasn't long. My heart hurt and I had a weary mind and a troubled soul. My body was feeling the effects of those locust feet. Still crying, I decided the best I could do was just go to bed. 

I’ve started reading a section of Psalms over the last few months. Prayer in dark places is difficult, and I found it impossible to find words to pray that didn’t sound self serving and repetitive to me. David did a better job of praying than I could ever hope to emulate. I dried my tears and read.

The passage I read was Psalms 119:33-50. You should read it. 

    33. HE. Teach me, O LORD, the way of thy statutes; and I shall keep it unto the end.

    34. Give me understanding, and I shall keep thy law; yea, I shall observe it with my whole heart.

    35. Make me to go in the path of thy commandments; for therein do I delight.

    36. Incline my heart unto thy testimonies, and not to covetousness.

    37. Turn away mine eyes from beholding vanity; and quicken thou me in thy way.

    38. Stablish thy word unto thy servant, who is devoted to thy fear.

    39. Turn away my reproach which I fear: for thy judgments are good.

    40. Behold, I have longed after thy precepts: quicken me in thy righteousness.

    41. VAU. Let thy mercies come also unto me, O LORD, even thy salvation, according to thy word.

    42. So shall I have wherewith to answer him that reproacheth me: for I trust in thy word.

    43. And take not the word of truth utterly out of my mouth; for I have hoped in thy judgments.

    44. So shall I keep thy law continually for ever and ever.

    45. And I will walk at liberty: for I seek thy precepts.

    46. I will speak of thy testimonies also before kings, and will not be ashamed.

    47. And I will delight myself in thy commandments, which I have loved.

    48. My hands also will I lift up unto thy commandments, which I have loved; and I will meditate in thy statutes.

    49. ZAIN. Remember the word unto thy servant, upon which thou hast caused me to hope.

    50. This is my comfort in my affliction: for thy word hath quickened me.

There are following parts of of Psalms 119 I also read sometimes, but this is basically my bedtime prayer. And this night I read this section. And was smacked between the eyes. 

“Remember the word unto thy servant, upon which thou hast caused me to hope.”

I stumbled over that and cried again. I looked further back into the passage. “... for I trust in thy word”

Remember the word to your servant, which you caused me to hope in and in which I trust.

Faith. Faith is the substance of things hoped for. Remember your word that caused me to hope. I trust your Word. This is my comfort in my affliction! You gave me your word, made me hope in your word. And I trust your Word. 

I don't believe I need to say anything else. You get it.