Hello?

"Hello?"

.......

"Hello? Is there anyone there?"

....

"HELLO!"

"No need to shout. I hear you."

"Didn't feel like it."

"Oh, feelings. Well, you know what they say about them."

"Uh, no."

"It's just one after another. Here one minute and something else the next."

"I don't think anyone says that."

"I just did."

"I'm not feeling amused tonight."

"Do you ever?"

{sigh}

"Hmmmm."

I'm really trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do now. I'm really just so tired of everything."

"You were lifting over 40 pounds at the gym for half an hour today. And you rode a bike going nowhere for 6 miles. You should be tired."

"Not that kind of tired."

"Hummm."

"Is it wrong to want to just stop?"

"Depends."

"Can we not be cryptic today? I really need help. I need plain talk. Real advice."

"Well, you know, I authored this amazing self-help book. Best seller, too."

{eye-roll followed by sigh}

"Did you just roll your eyes?"

"Maybe. A little."

"Hmmm."

"I've read that book. I read it daily. I really need to talk to you. Or rather, I need you to talk to me. Really talk to me."

"We talk all the time."

"No. I talk all the time. Long painful dialogue followed by silence."

"You're not listening."

..............................................................

"Are you all right?"

"If I was all right, I wouldn't be blogging an imaginary conversation with you."

"Are you angry with me?"

"I'm angry, yes."

"At whom?"

"Me. Just me. I can't figure out how to just walk away. I don't want to care anymore."

"Ooo, difficult."

"That's it? That's all you have to say?"

"Pretty much."

...................................................................................................................

"Doesn't help much, does it?"

"Why can't you just help me? Why can't you fix things I can't fix?"

"Well, I could..."    

"Then DO IT!"

"You didn't let me finish. I could, but then you wouldn't develop properly. Your growth would be stunted. It would impair your ability to discern things. You must learn to stand on your own feet."

"I think I can manage that at this point. It is the rest I have trouble with. I'm not talking about me!"

"I know this. There are several others you have worn yourself out worrying about and you need to put that down."

"I can't do that."

"Then you'll be crushed beneath a load you need not bear. And you need to stop trying to fix things in the past. They're done. You can't change it." 

"I have to fix things."

"No, you don't. You can't."

"What do I do?"

"I just told you."

..........................

"You're not listening."

#ConversationsWithHim