You know, there is nothing quite like the feeling of worthlessness. It wears like a croaker sack. For the uninitiated, that is a burlap sack. It got its name because folks down south who gigged for frogs would put their catch in the burlap sack; thus, the name croaker sack. When I found that nugget, I thought it hilarious. Doubly so, since I'm a southerner and I never heard the definition of the name. Well, my family didn't eat frogs so, there is that. You were talking about worthlessness . . .
I was. But don't you think that's an interesting tidbit?
Decidedly.
Yes, I feel totally worthless. I do nothing, contribute nothing, don't rank on any scale at all. I'm very smart, very talented, and really very nice. Just worthless.
What are you talking about?
Uh, I thought we cleared that up?
You've been a very productive person all your life. Had you not been, people would have struggled to get by. Some would have been destitute.
Got that right. Once I went to work, everyone had their hands out.
{sigh} How can I get you to see past all that?
I thought the whole point of suffering was to make us better people.
No, no, no. Suffering results from your fallen nature.
What did I ever do to deserve all this? Wait, I'm not perfect, but I certainly did nothing so bad that I should be constantly trying to survive the onslaught I seem to attract.
Neither did I.
Right. But I'm not God. I understand what happened to you. That was a power struggle, and you won. I understand the horror in a limited human way. But thankfully you won.
You don't think you're in a power struggle?
What power? I have no power. I can't change a thing. I can't fix a thing. In fact, the only thing I seem to be successful at is screwing up things. And that isn't something anyone wants.
Remember what Paul said in Ephesians 6:12?
Yes. "For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places." Yes, I've very aware of those powers. But no one ever believes me when I tell them there is a problem involving those powers. So...
You can't really control what people think or do.
Hello? Isn't that what I said? No. Power. See, I'm worthless. Useless. Same thing. Can't fix the problem. Who needs me? NO ONE.
We're going to agree to disagree on this for now. Eventually, I am sure you'll understand.
I know. Once we all get to heaven, we'll have all our questions answered. Great. So I have to die to get an answer. Wow.
You know that isn't what I meant.
No, I don't know. I'm so confused by all that is going on around me. I'm broken in ways I can't begin to explain. And so weary of it. I spend hours having this conversation. I'm struggling to tread water.
Just take off the croaker sack. Put on the garment of praise.
...
Did you roll your eyes? Surely not.
No. I already wear the praise shirt more than I ever have in my life. Then the real world comes barging in and I get knocked down. And before you say it, yes, I get back up. But you know something, we humans get tired eventually. There is a point where you can't get up. You can't lift your head, never mind your hands. You reach a place where lying there is easier than moving.
........
Sorry, I don't have the answer.
Endurance.
What?
Endurance. You have endurance. You have fortitude.
If you say I'm strong, I will not talk to you the rest of the day.
You're not strong. You have endurance.
I'm tired. So, so, so tired.
I know. And yet, you hang on. That's endurance. And that, my friend, is far better than simple strength. That's a superpower.
I am a croaker sack of super power.
Sure. If you want to say that. Personally, I think that's probably more uncomfortable than fig leaves. Change your shirt.
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