Whose Purpose?

Last Wednesday, February 3rd, I sat down to do my morning devotional. I don't remember what was going on. I find nothing specific posted anywhere. What I do remember is the thought that popped into my head just as I got comfortable. 

"God has placed you in this place at this time for His purposes, not yours."

It sort of made me flinch. It is a hard thing to hear, like a splash of ice water in the face. I don't like to admit that I know what it meant, but I did. I wrote it down.

I struggle with raison d’être* constantly, never satisfied because I find none. That's a French expression and means the most important reason or purpose for someone or something's existence. I have never, ever in my entire life felt that I belonged anywhere, or that there was a purpose for my being here. Never. A few times it felt as if I was about to discover it. But it quickly passed, leaving me feeling useless.

But the statement stung. Still, I moved forward with my devotional and Bible reading, burying the emotions seething beneath the surface. 

As soon as I began to read, two quotes hit me in the same aching place in my chest.

"Sometimes a storm in your life is what will blow you to the place you are longing to be."—Beth Moore.

"Sometimes when you're in a dark place, you think you've been buried. But you've actually been planted."—Christine Cain.

Reading this all again is painful. I hate the nagging sense of no purpose, no reason. I am a person of facts and reason. There has to be a purpose, a point, a reason for everything in the universe. If there isn't, life is a waste of time and nothing matters. Plants grow for a reason. The sky is blue for a reason. Ants build nests for a purpose. EVERYTHING has purpose, a raison d’être.

I remember now what my thoughts were that morning. Nothing matters. There is no point... to me, to my life, to anything at all. Things are such a mess that there can't possibly be any purpose to anything. Especially me. My whole life I've looked for something, some solid ground to plant my feet on and say, this is why I'm here. I matter, even when everyone and everything makes me think I don't. My eternal scream of WHY!

Storms and dark places, indeed. When does it all end? I get so exhausted by it all. 

And then.....

"God has placed you in this place at this time for His purposes, not yours."

Girl, get over yourself. 

Merry Christmas & Blessed New Year!

Merry Christmas to all those who have followed this blog! Thank you for sticking around and putting up with my rambling posts. I hope my words encouraged you, enlightened you, made you smile, or comforted you. 

I don't post often because posts to this blog are different. I never know what I'll write about because I try to let my heart speak or let the Spirit speak through my heart. Sometimes the words were for me alone. Others, they were for someone else. I hope they found their home. 

Does anyone feel that we're watching the last grains of sand slip through the narrow opening of the glass? Time is running out so quickly. This year is almost over and I don't know anyone who would say it's been a good year. I pray the Lord blesses the coming year for us all, but I believe we're living in a time of rising evil. My view is that this is the devil's final onslaught before the end. We're being bombarded with every form of wickedness he can throw at us. The minds and actions of people are twisted and depraved beyond my wildest imaginings. 

When I pray these days, I find I'm praying for protection over those I pray for and for a purging of wicked people. That sounds awful, doesn't it? However, I believe God has offered us all an opportunity to choose who we will serve. If they will not heed His voice, then they are part of the problem we face. We are in the fight of our lives and the battle is with unseen forces. 

For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Ephesians 6:12.

Do not let the old year pass before you take a stand for righteousness. I believe we will be forced to pick sides in this thing. If you have not already, you will. Choose wisely. This may be the last major decision of your life. 

May the blessings of God fill your hearts and homes, may His protection surround you, may His hand guide you, and may his peace comfort you.

Prayers You Never Heard

 I was doing my morning devotionals Sunday morning. I always take time to pray either before or after I read my Bible. I have a list of people and issues that I pray over. When I reached my family, I had a memory that came back to me.

I remembered lying in my bed at night and listening to Mama pray. She'd call off the names of her loved ones, both her daughters and their husbands. She'd call my name, too, and that of all her grandchildren. Those prayers are probably what got me through some very hard times in my life. There were so many of them! Most were for the salvation of her family.

In the middle of this memory, I had a thought. How many prayers must we pray before it is enough? God hears us the first time we pray. This is bourn out by the Bible. Michael, the archangel, told Daniel that God had heard his pray the first day he prayed it. The answer didn't arrive for a month because Michael was fighting the Prince of Persia, a devil that controlled the spiritual realm of that land.  

I thought of the hundreds, maybe thousands of prayers I heard my Mama pray for our family. She never saw the answers to most of them. My heart breaks at that thought. Here I was praying for many of the same people, for the same thing: to recognize their need for a closer walk with God, to find salvation.

In that moment,  I ask God aloud, "How many prayers does it take?" I can't tell you why it was so heartbreaking, but it was. In moments, an answer sharp and clear as if He'd been in the room filled my mind. 

"It doesn't matter how may prayers are prayed for a person. If they do not respond to the call or voice of God, the prayers are useless and wasted."

That answer set me back a bit. I didn't expect it. Surely prayers weren't useless, wasted? That didn't fit with my faith. There was more. 

When you stand before your Judge, (and God will become our Judge,) he will bring out those prayers. He's our Savior now, but death changes our relationship with Him. 

"All the prayers prayed for you will be presented, and you will hear every prayer ever prayed for you. They will be the evidence and a testimony against you."

My mind reeled a bit at that thought. I can hear Mama praying now. I lived with her for 17 years, listening to those prayers at night. She was a praying woman and I know there were times during the day she prayed. How many prayers had she prayed for each one of us? Good Lord, the number was staggering. 

And 46 years later, I'm praying for many of the same people. I have been for a long time. They've never heard any of those prayers. They probably never heard Mama's prayers either.

But they will. We all will. 

#Conversations With Him