The Monsters in My Head

I dreaded getting up. I was worn out yesterday and did not go to church at all but I listened to some really good teaching YouTube. I watched a video called Pressing Past Our Fears and I have to say, it was intended for me. I was blessed with the sense that God is listening and is not far off. I sat most of the evening and talked to God about my problems. 

I struggle with fear daily. I don't usually tell people that but I do. I'm afraid of everything. I never thought I was afraid of much until after Jerry died but then the world became this huge chasm yawning at my feet, filled with treacherous routes, dangerous creatures, and unknown perils. At every turn I had to face another fear. Fear over money, my children, my health, my house, my car, my own existance. It gets exhausting over time. When I am sick, it isn't just fear. It becomes terror. There is not one to step in and take the reins so I can recover. 

I was courageous once. At least, for the most part. But it is easy to be courageous with a six foot male beside you. All loads are lighter when shared and fears are much smaller when faced together. I'm like a one legged woman in a sack race. I don't get far before I fall down. 

I spent time telling God this last night. And just telling him has helped. Maybe because it's hard to be afraid with a big God beside you. 

The Lord is on my side; I will not fear. What can man do to me? Psalm 118:6

Well...... I can think of a lot of things. In my rational mind.

You have to stop doing that. There are no monsters as big as the ones in your head.

That's not in the Bible.

Yes, I know. But I like it. Don't you think it has a ring to it?

Ummm.... kind of. OK, I get it. I'm so blessed to have another day to get it right. I don't get it right sometimes. Most of the time, it seems.  "To You, O my Strength, I will sing praises; For God is my defense, My God of mercy."  Psalm 59:17   

Much better. 

#ConversationsWithHim