Round Trip

 That was so easy. 

So I gather. 

It was the right decision.

Some would disagree.

And they did. 

....

You disagree too?

I didn't say that. I've just seen how your mind works and know that at some point you'll stay up all night trying to figure out if you did the right thing.

Or you could just tell me now.

Doesn't work that way.

Oh, I'm aware of that. OK, I just decided that it wasn't worth what I was going through to continue. It was painful and felt like wasted time. Depressing every day. Never mind that the choices were simply ridiculous. If I have to wade through dung to find a diamond, it just isn't happening. I'll stick with simple rocks.

Next week you'll reconsider.

I might. That's fine. But I don't think I will. I'll start a group. I'll go visit family. I'll work on the novel. I've got three books coming in soon. I'll be busy. I also need to declutter. I have a book to finish and one to publish. Things to do. 

Are you going somewhere? 

You tell me. Wait ... doesn't work that way. 

You're learning. But you didn't answer.

I'm thinking about it. When there's nothing left, what do you do? Truth is, I don't know. But I know you can't continue on the same path. And this year, I realized there's nothing left. It kind of sent me into a mental break. For a month. It was so embarrassing. 

In the last week, something shifted again. I'm fighting a battle I can't win. No, don't say anything. I can't. You know I can't. I know my limitations. I know ... I know me. It doesn't really matter. Sometimes you stand and fight. Other times, you walk away. I've been fighting a long time. A very long time. I'm so over it. I'm done. I am bleeding out. It can't continue.

You've chosen. 

No. You chose. I'm just conceding. I will not fight anymore. Not this battle. There will be others, but I'm finished with this one. 

You're giving up?

I will never give you up. Ever. I began this trip without knowing the cost. Simple prayers for a simple life. What I got wasn't simple. Adventures galore, wounds, pain, heartache, punctuated by joy and death. Repeated death. And I stayed the course. I'll stick it out. But this is one battle I won't win. I won't settle for less than I deserve. So, I'm done. Just let me stay on the bus and I'll be fine. I'll start a sewing circle.

....

Did you roll your eyes?

You're not the sewing-circle type. 

I can sew. In fact, I can do a lot of needlework. I can also...

I know what you can do. That's not what you are supposed to do. 

I didn't get that memo. What am I supposed to do? 

We'll talk later. I'll talk to my secretary and get you that memo. 

I know that's a joke. 

You didn't laugh, and neither did I. 

So, where am I, exactly?

Right where you started from. 

** If you're confused by this post, it isn't for you. I'm not confused. 

#ConversationswithHim