Missing Dinner

I missed church today, again. I hate missing. For the last two years, I've missed so much that I feel like I'm starving. I watch the online services but, while they're good, it isn't being there. Spiritually, I'm 95 pounds and I'm hungry!

I'm recovering from arm surgery to repair a pinched nerve in my elbow. They used staples, and a week after surgery, it has become infected. Not surprising for me with my wonky immune system. If I take no RA meds, I am a immunity warrior. With RA meds, I'm a ticking time bomb for infections. 

The pain from the staples at the infection site is horrendous, and there is swelling that is putting a strain on the staples. I wondered why it was still hurting so badly after a week. It's been hurting worse for the last three days and I couldn't figure it out. Well, in my defense, trying to look at an incision on the inside of your arm from the elbow to the mid-upper arm is difficult; with my faulty vision, even what I can see is questionable. It took mirrors and a lot of light to get a good look. 

So, tomorrow I'll call the doctor early and try to get in or get advice. Truthfully, I should have known something was up. I have hurt so bad since Thursday, all over my body. I've also been sleeping twelve hours a day. That's too much, even for my sleep deprived self.

I'm one of those who believe that to maintain your spiritual stability, you need to be in church, to fellowship with other believers, to worship in community, and to learn the Word of God. There is a valid reason God established churches, and it wasn't to show off your new shoes or watch a show.

I guess, in my mind, it is like being called for dinner. Family dinners of my childhood were wonderful. Everyone sitting together, laughing, talking, sharing their joys or their griefs and learning what it meant to be family. I miss it so much. They really were as wonderful for me as the paintings you see. I had a large extended family and our family reunions were the same. Relatives, in-laws, ex-in-laws, children, step-children, and old girlfriends or boyfriends were in the crowd. I never knew everyone at our family reunion because of that. Those days are all gone and so are the members. 

The only place I still feel that kind of atmosphere is church. I think that is the way it is supposed to be. I miss those days. And when I miss church, I feel the same longing to go home as I do when I remember my family dinners. 

You can fill up on bits and bites when you're hungry but there is just nothing like sitting down to a real meal. I don't like missing dinner.

My Morning Prayer for 2022

 My Prayer for 2022

Psalms 119:33-40

33 Teach me, O Lord, the way of Your statutes,

And I shall keep it to the end.

34 Give me understanding, and I shall keep Your law;

Indeed, I shall observe it with my whole heart.

35 Make me walk in the path of Your commandments,

For I delight in it.

36 Incline my heart to Your testimonies,

And not to covetousness.

37 Turn away my eyes from looking at worthless things,

And revive me in Your way.

38 Establish Your word to Your servant,

Who is devoted to fearing You.

39 Turn away my reproach which I dread,

For Your judgments are good.

40 Behold, I long for Your precepts;

Revive me in Your righteousness.

Never Looking Back

Sometimes we're forced to make choices that we never dreamed we'd make, to do things we never dreamed we'd do. We don't get to choose those times, and we don't have time to think about the decision we make. There is no time to consider it. If we've lived well, we're prepared to make the hard decisions. 

But they're difficult. They hurt.

We can't consider love, family, country, or life. We can't regret. We consider only what is right and truth. Hard, painful truth. The realization of this is nearly unbearable because it means all you know, have ever known, is now behind you. 

And you can't go back. Dare not even look.

If you succeed. And survive it. It will be the measure of your character, of your own integrity, and your determination to hold to truth at any cost. 

Any cost. The sum is staggering. 

When it is done, what remains resembles images of Hiroshima. There'll be nothing left. Not even hope.  No stone upon another. Just keep your eyes on the path and moving toward the light. 

You won't see it. Just remember it is there. Ahead of you.