Why Worry?

 I've been trying to get through a Bible study on YouVersion called "Why Worry?". While I was doing today's lesson, I realized something that startled me.

I am not worried. Anyone who knows me will think I'm lying or delusional. And yet, it's true. The study described worry, and I didn't have that. 

Things I don't worry about. 

• So, I have paid my bills and will pay them. 
• I'm in pain. Some days it is mild, other days it is unbearable and I cry a lot. I don't worry. I hurt.
• Mike's situation is beyond my control. I'm concerned for him, but I can't fix it, and I know it. He will get surgery and may get better or not. Worry isn't an issue. It is what it is. I'm going to be unhappy or I'll be happy. But for now it doesn't exist.
• I can take care of myself despite pain and multiple medical issues. And I care for the needs of several other people. None of that worries me. I always seem to have the ability to do that, so I just do what I have to do. 
• Today is my only obstacle. I'm not worried about getting through today. Either I will or I won't, and neither matters. It's do or die. 

What I have is anger and frustration, and I'm not happy. I don't worry about those things because they actually exist. They're real. I'd be worried if I thought it would help. It won't. 

So here is the list of things I could be worried about, but actually don't care enough about them to be worried.

• I'm not happy or content.
• I'm disorganized and frustrated by it. I've never been disorganized.
• I miss my life as it was before death cheated me. 
• I miss my granddaughter. She's too busy for me now. One day she will not be but I'm not worried by it. I'm sorry for her and disappointed in her.
• I miss my family. The road runs both ways, and they've made choices. I spent years driving a whole day to see people. I am not worried about it. I am disappointed, but I'll get over it. I have to get through today's obstacles and don't have enough time left to worry about other people's shortcomings. 
• I have wants but no needs. I was promised only that my needs would be met. They are. I am not worried about the wants. I could be disappointed, but whatever.  

So:  Rage -yes. Fury - yes. Disappointment - yes. Grief - yes. Pain - yes. 

Worry? Not so much. 

Life is an immense disappointment. We're led to believe it gets better, but it doesn't. It's painful and a thief. Most of the time you will not get what you expect or want. 

There will always be disappointment and grief. That's not worry. They won't kill you; worry will. Recognize the difference between worry and the rest of it. It's about letting things go. If you're nagging it, it's worry. If you're experiencing sadness or disappointment, probably not worry but certainly not fun. Cry and move on.

Death will visit you multiple times to remind you he's coming for you. Don't be afraid of him. He has nothing else to do, and real life begins after he's done with you. He has to repeat his job every moment of every day until one day he dies, too. That's a wasted existence. Don't follow his lead.

You don't have any choices in your life other than picking which road to follow. Your life is already mapped out, and the road you choose will determine the end. You can't change any road you choose. You just have to keep walking. Things will happen. Try to prevent bad things, but refuse to be surprised when you can't. 

There is no tomorrow because it doesn't exist yet. You will create it if you wake up in the morning. Then it will be just another today to get through. Do something different and hope for a different outcome. That's probably another definition of insanity. Enjoy it. It may be the only time you can feel in control. 

You're not in control. Ever.

God is in control. He is sovereign. You can't control him either.

Worry: To feel uneasy or concerned about something; to be troubled. Synonym: brood.