Your Anointing Is Not for You! What?

 A while ago, last year, in fact, I listened to a video of a minister that made me think about some things differently. I took a few notes to share them in a post, but as things usually go, I turned the page and forgot about it. 

Today I flipped through my notebook and ran across my notes from that video, and I think now is as good a time as any to share it. I have to be honest here and say that this information gave me insight into some things that have troubled me a lot. 

The anointing you have is not for you. It's for others. Elijah died of sickness, but his bones still raised the dead. However, he couldn't heal himself! The devil doesn't care about you. He cares about those you will help. So stopping you prevents you from helping others. 

So, the last two statements opened up a whole avenue of revelation. Now, months later, that avenue has broadened. I don't know that it made me feel better, but it seemed to explain some things so that now I pray for an understanding of what I learned.

Looking for answers is often like beating your head against a wall. I don't know about others, but I spend a lot of time struggling with the "whys" of my journey. There are times I know things and they seem so pointless because I can't do anything useful with it. I can't use what I know in any way that produces something positive. So I pray about it and walk away. That feels like defeat. 

Then there's the writing. I write this blog because these thoughts pour out and demand to be written. I have to do something with them. The important ones won't leave me alone until they're written. I have no earthly idea if a single person reads it, needs it, or heeds it. I just pray for something good to come of it. Sometimes, I'm the one who needs it. Sometimes I read it and wonder what in the world it means. 

This post, though, this one is for my enlightenment. I needed to know this. Desperately needed to know. I'm tired of feeling like a failure, tired of wondering why my gifts don't work FOR me. It never occurred that they weren't FOR me. There are things I am called on to do that I can't, for the life of me, figure out why I have to do them. Only God and I know about it. I do them but ... they aren't my favorite things. It's exhausting, stressful, and feels risky. And yet, this is something I've had to do again and again for YEARS! Sometimes I see some positive results and others, a dismal failure. I know the failure isn't my fault. But it's still a disappointment when it happens. Each time I think this task won't happen again. I ask God, "Why do you keep sending me this? I'm no good at it!" And yet, it arrives. 

This brief message from a stranger is an explanation that fits. I'm just an instrument to perform a task. I don't benefit from it in any tangible way. Because it's not FOR ME. That's hard to grasp, hard to accept.  

Only I'm OK with it. When you can be of service, expecting nothing in return, that in itself is a gift.