Cooked

What a horrible summer. Hot as Satan's kitchen and so much chaos that I can't begin to even describe it.

What do you suppose he'd cook?

Excuse me?

You said "Satan's kitchen". I just wondered what he'd cook there.

UH, wow, really I'm not sure I want to think about that. 

Well, you probably shouldn't reference things you don't want to discuss. I thought you came here to talk.

....

Cat got your tongue?

No. No. I'm fine but this is a strange discussion. I've no idea how it started. 

Well...

Never mind. It doesn't matter. I do want to talk. Things ... everything has been so horrible. I don't know what to do or how to stop it. 

I'm not sure you can stop it.

What! What does that mean?

It rains on the just and the unjust. Troubles come to everyone. 

That isn't much help. Financially, I've reached a limit. I had to go back to work and honestly, it's rough. Physically, I'm spent.

I know but you're not sitting around fretting over Sarah.

And that's another thing. Everything out of the blue, totally uprooted, disrupted her life. Again. She was so traumatized. 

Be honest here, you had a suspicion it was coming for months. You could have acted sooner if you hadn't been so selfish and afraid.

Yes. But I am selfish and afraid. Most of the time. I didn't know how to fix it. I only realized what I had to do when it all blew up in our face. Watching her tormented and heartbroken over and over for weeks was too much to bear. No one should hurt another that way.

And when the chips were down, you stepped aside and gave me the key.

Yes. 

And you knew it was the right thing to do.

Yes. As soon I said the words, I knew. I also knew the cost of that decision. 

But you still did it. 

Yes, and I'm still paying. 

.....

Tell me, will you just get him off my back? Send him back to the kitchen or wherever it is he goes. This continued assault won't change anything now. I did what I had to do, and I'd do it again. I won't change my mind. I won't stop. I've dragged myself from many battlefields and patched myself up. As long as I breathe, I'll keep doing that. This is just one more battle he can't win. 

I'll speak to him. But you know he's a disobedient son. Never listens. He's blocked my number, I'm sure.

I'd laugh, but it isn't funny. Send one of your guys to rough him up or something. I need reinforcements ... no; I need replacements. I'm tired.

You know, you did a good thing. 

No. I did a necessary thing. I'll never feel good about it. But some things are more important than feeling good. Sometimes the thing that hurts the most, makes the biggest difference to someone else. Sometimes you have to give up so someone else can be at peace. She needs to be happy. She needs to feel safe and secure. It was not in my power to give that to her.  

Will you be all right?

You're asking me? You know better than I. Does it matter?

Certainly.

Well then, we must wait and see.

#ConversationsWithHim