Long Lines and Lots of Questions

 I don't know how long I have to wait for you to say something. Is there anything in the manual? Did the memo get through? Are you on lunch break?

.............

Where is the concierge? There's not even a bell. When I was a girl, they actually had a "Royal Telephone". What happened to that?

You know, you can attract more flies with honey than with vinegar.

I've heard that, but I'm not looking for flies. 

 I know what you're looking for.

So, can you just answer a few questions? Oh, never mind. Honestly, I'll be full of questions, and when I get to heaven, there will be a line a mile long. 

"Lots of assumptions in that comment."

.......

"Yes. You might want to rethink that."

I'm just struggling to do the right thing. I'm so afraid of my own mind.

"Sarah said you're not afraid of anything. The real problem is that there is too much in your mind. You need to do some housekeeping."

As a general rule , I fear nothing. I can't be a slave to things or people. I have a healthy respect for the use of caution. That's not what I'm asking. 

Wait. What do I need to get out of my head? What about housekeeping? 

You overthink everything. You are very independent, refuse to be told what to do, and are excessively opinionated. Your kids are too. 

Well, ouch. I overthink so I don't screw up. I've been successful for the most part. The rest of it: independent, opinionated. I am what life made me. And yeah, my kids are so obnoxiously opinionated. But they're wonderful sons.

 You're going to have to decide what you want to be ruled by and how much of yourself you're willing to surrender. 

Oh. 

You surrendered nothing to your husband. He was happy just to bask in your light. That's not what the real world is about. 

I don't want to hear this. 

I'll wait. 

#ConversationsWithHim,

Raveled Sleave of Care

 You met her, didn't you?

It was an unpleasant experience. She just took over. Totally wrecked me. I'm tired, but I don't think I'll sleep. 

Lie down. Close your eyes and think on these things. 

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. Phillipians 4:8

I am not there. I'm not there. 

I know. But you still have to think on these things. 

You'll have to draw me a map today. I don't know where any of that is. Planet Earth. That's where I am. I don't know if you'll find any of that here. 

I didn't say you had to find them. They are already done. You just have to think about them. 

I ... would it be wrong to say I don't want to look anymore? 

It would be pretty stupid. You're not generally stupid.

I'm in so much pain right now that I am not capable of seeing anything beyond my nose. It's dark where I am. You know I am so messed up. Right? You know this. 

I am all the light you need. 

I'm just going to be honest here. I am in a dark place. No light visible. I know. Sounds disrespectful. That screaming woman? The one I said was behind me? Not anymore. She's in me. She is me. I'm her. 

........

Nothing? 

When you're ready. Go get some sleep.

You know Shakespeare?

I taught him everything he knew.

Right. I had to look it up to remember it all. "Sleep that knits up the raveled sleave of care". From Macbeth. The sleave was a skein of yarn. I've dealt with those, and it isn't that easy either. But OK, I'll go. 

A Wild Ride

 I'm in a strange place. 

How so?

Well... and don't think I'm crazy.

Never. 

There's this woman screaming. I see her, and I hear her. She won't stop. I've been meaning to mention it. 

Where is she?

In my head. She's standing there, kind of behind me, and she just keeps screaming. 

Ah ha. What does she look like?

No idea. She's in silhouette.

That —

I know. Crazy. I've been seeing her ever since Mike was in the hospital. Not every minute, and maybe a little less than before. But she's still there. I don't know why I started seeing her to begin with.

Are you sure?

I'm sure it's psychological. 

Send her away.

I don't believe it's possible. At least for now. I want to know why she's screaming. 

I think you already know that. 

Actually, I don't. I've thought about it. If I were writing a story, I'd want to know why she showed up and why she won't stop. Besides, she's not as present right now.

Only when you're stressed.

Yeah, but I've lived with stress most of my life. I've never seen her before. And she is a mental image, not flesh and blood.

.......

I knew you'd think I was nuts. 

I think no one is nuts. You're a sensible person. Excuse me, why is that so funny?

No one but my mama and my aunt ever said that about me.  

You're intelligent and have wisdom.

You've been talking to them. 

No, but I listened in on many conversations.

All I know is that the woman showed up. I need to know why. I've thought about it for weeks. I think she'll eventually leave, but I'm not sure.

Perhaps. Why are you looking at me that way?

I'm just wondering whether you think this is crazy. 

The woman or our conversations?

Well, both, I guess.

Our conversations are important to both of us. I've never met the woman. 

I'm going to bed now. Could I please have a good night's sleep?

Don't get on the roller coaster in your head. Let that woman ride. 

Uh, OK.

#ConversationsWithHim